I went into the Wisconsin foster care system at 14, and I was immediately deemed unplaceable due to my age. I wasn’t much trouble, never used drugs or drank alcohol. I was an A/B student and kept to myself. I did struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts, but given everything I’d been through, that wasn’t surprising.
Most foster parents prefer younger children.
The "system" tried to find me a home, but I spent two years in residential facilities that felt more like juvenile detention than healing environments. I wasn’t the “right age” that most foster families were looking for.
Eventually, Kay and James, a Wisconsin couple with grown children, agreed to meet me. They lived in Northeast Wisconsin. Kay stayed home, and James was nearing retirement. Our meeting went well, and they accepted the placement. I figured it would last a week. I had seen so many teens return to residential care because of failed placements.
They were kind. They were steady. And they showed me, day by day, what a healthy, loving family looks like. I was welcomed and included as a member of their family.
Foster parents can change a teen's path to healing and acceptance.
On the outside, things were going well. I was doing great in school and started to build a circle of friends. But underneath it all, I was still fighting battles no one could see. The weight of my past, especially the pain of being abandoned by my mom, was heavy.
Some days, the thoughts would spiral, and I took things out on Kay. My emotions were erratic, and suicidal thoughts would creep in. I was in therapy, trying to work through it, but there were times when it all just felt like too much.
Through it all, Kay never wavered. She didn’t push or pressure me. She had no expectations except that I be myself. She gave me space when I needed it and support when I reached for it. She showed up, day after day, steady, patient, and unwavering.
Teens in foster care have dreams and goals.
I wouldn't be who I am today without them. Their YES changed the trajectory of my life.
I wanted to be a teacher for as long as I could remember. They helped make my dream come true. James helped me with college applications and financial aid, and I moved me into the dorm the summer after graduation. Kay and I shopped till we dropped for dorm decor. She made sure my side of the dorm room felt like home.
Now I'm 28, an elementary school educator, and married to a wonderful man. They came to our wedding and will be a part of our next chapter. We are expecting in the fall.
I thank God every day that He put us together.
I share my story because I know there are too many teens out there who feel invisible, waiting for someone to believe they're worth the effort. I want to inspire people who may think teens are too much trouble. Kay and James were not perfect, but I didn't need them to be.
I needed them to show up and not give up. They did just that!
All identifying information are altered to protect the privacy of children.
