How Are Foster Parents Matched with Foster Children

Matching foster children and youth with Wisconsin foster parents is a thoughtful and deliberate process designed to help children heal and foster parents succeed. At CCR, every placement is carefully made and doesn't happen overnight. Planned placements take time to ensure children can heal and families can thrive.

Placing Wisconsin foster children in the best available home possible is the responsibility of Brian Sullivan. Brian has been dedicated to CCR and our foster families for over 26 years. Each child and sibling group referred to CCR is unique, reflecting the diverse needs and trauma levels of the children in foster care. Learn more from Brian:Foster Care Coordinator Standing by Wisconsin Map

What is the process for matching a foster child with a family?

I am the primary contact for our contract counties and agencies that want to refer a child or sibling group for CCR foster care services. When a county agency needs to place a child outside its county due to resource limitations, it contacts me.

My primary responsibility is collecting comprehensive information about the child, including their requirements, history, and trauma histories, to find the most suitable CCR foster home. I carefully assess the pool of available foster parents to make the best possible match based on my understanding of the child's needs and the strengths of our foster parents.

Some things to consider are:

How many kids in Wisconsin foster care are referred to CCR each month?

CCR receives 50-60 referrals monthly from counties and tribes throughout Wisconsin. However, we can only place a small percentage of those children, primarily due to the need for more licensed foster families. Despite my best efforts, which often include other team members, there are many cases in which a suitable match is not found, and the referral is passed back to the referring agency.

The ongoing shortage of Wisconsin foster parents means we only sometimes have a family available to meet the child's needs.

What is the difference between county foster care and treatment level?

The difference between basic county-level foster care and treatment-level foster care lies in the level of service provided to the child and the foster family. For instance, a child in a county foster home may not receive necessary support services. A county worker may visit the house once a month, whereas at CCR, visits are made each week to ensure our foster parents receive much needed support and access to resources. In addition, we have a 24/7 on-call help line for our foster parents. 

What types of kids do CCR Wisconsin foster parents care for?

In recent years, we have noticed an increase in sibling groups displaced from their family homes. Also, finding homes for teenage girls and boys is our biggest challenge. Many new foster parents are hesitant to foster older kids, but our experienced foster parents find older youth less challenging than younger children.

Regardless of the ages and behaviors of the children placed, our foster parents must adhere to strict flexibility requirements. Being available for multiple appointments and interruptions during the week should be expected.

Can foster parents choose the children they foster?

When foster parents are open to different types and ages of kids, they can have unique experiences. While CCR needs homes for kids of all ages, the greatest need is to find foster homes for young sibling groups and teenagers. It's challenging to find one family that can accommodate a sibling group of 3 or 4 kids, both logistically and practically. At the same time, finding homes with flexible schedules to provide necessary supervision to teens is also challenging.

We respect the family's choice and never push them either way. Knowing that the decision is theirs is essential, and I will never make it for them.

Can foster parents meet the children before a placement?

I work closely with the potential family to arrange a pre-placement visit, which typically includes overnight or weekend stays. These visits allow foster parents to meet the child and gather as much information as possible to decide whether to pursue the placement. The visits also aid in the transition process so that the child has some knowledge about the family before joining them.

The foster family always has the option of accepting or declining a child. I strive to provide all available information to help them make the best choice for their family. A placement can last anywhere from 12 to 24 months and often longer. I work closely with the referring agency and county worker during this time to ensure we communicate effectively. 

The support and guidance provided by our team during the decision-making process help instill confidence and security in foster parents. This is a serious process that we do not take lightly. It is important that our families feel they have received all the support they need. Once a placement is made, our commitment to providing 24/7 support starts right away. 

What happens if the match with a foster child does not work out?

We understand that fostering a vulnerable child or sibling group can be complex and challenging. Many foster children come from difficult backgrounds and have heightened behaviors and emotions. These emotional and behavioral challenges require ongoing management and can be challenging for both the child and the foster parents.

Because our Clinical Case Managers are in the home weekly and offer 24/7 phone support, breakdowns and disruptions are often avoided.

Older children are encouraged to speak with their Clinical Case Manager. The CCM, in turn, will typically talk with the youth and the foster parent to understand where the placement is breaking down and implement steps to rebuild these areas. Well-planned meetings seek solutions and strategies for remedying the situation and resolving problems with the placement while considering the child's best interests. A 30-day notice to move the child may be unavoidable if this doesn't work.

Can I adopt my foster children? Children are often adopted by their CCR foster parents. However, the goal is most often reunification. Adoption happens less than 20% of the time.

CCR is committed to improving the outcomes of all the children and youth placed in our care. We have dedicated, compassionate team members with decades of field experience working diligently with our foster parents and county agencies to provide each child with the most suitable, safe home.

If you want to learn more about CCR and becoming a foster parent, please contact us anytime. We are glad to answer your questions and provide more details.

Keeping Older Siblings Together in Foster Care

Amber is a 12-year-old girl who entered foster care due to neglect. She and her older brother, Deonne, 16, live with an aunt who has struggled to meet their needs. Community Care Resources is seeking a home that will accommodate both Amber and Deone.

Many youth in Wisconsin Foster Care are siblings.

Amber is very independent and often looks at her phone or reads in her room. She performs at a satisfactory academic level and has few friends at school. She enjoys playing video games and participates in a sewing club in her free time. If given the choice, she would eat a Big Mac for every meal, with mac and cheese as a close second favorite. She is not shy about expressing her dislike for vegetables.

Like many children in foster care, Amber faces food insecurity; she has been known to steal food, hide food in her room, and eat as a way to comfort herself.

Teens in foster care struggle with mental health challenges.

While Amber's strengths are evident, she also encounters challenges, particularly in managing her anger. Outbursts are common when she feels frustrated and unheard. She is easily upset when things don't go her way and will lash out verbally. She has outbursts daily. The aunt reports that Deone often successfully de-escalates a heightened situation. He has a unique way of supporting Amber.

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Amber is aware of her emotional struggles and actively participates in weekly therapy, showing a willingness to grow. Support from her therapist, along with a referral for psychiatry, is a vital part of her journey toward emotional regulation.

Despite some hurdles, Amber performs well in school and has an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) to support her speech development. Teachers and school staff recognize her potential and work collaboratively to ensure she continues to thrive academically. Moving to a new foster home may require a new school for Amber, so she must have foster parents available to advocate for her while encouraging new relationships with peers.

CCR foster parents require a flexible schedule to meet the needs of kids like Amber.

Keeping siblings together in foster care promotes healing.

Deone recently got his driver's permit but has not had much road experience while living with his aunt. He is known to be shy and reserved at first but will open up when he feels comfortable. He enjoys participating in the school band, Dungeon and Dragons and watching YouTube videos.

Depression is a struggle for Deone. He spends most of his time in his room when at home. He has reportedly been silent and withdrawn for up to 3 days on several occasions. He has refused therapy in the past but recently expressed interest in speaking with a psychiatrist. He struggles with maintaining personal hygiene but has improved while residing with his aunt.

Deone does well in school, although he needs help submitting homework on time. He performs most subjects at or below grade level. He does not have an IEP.

Teen siblings

Kids in foster care visit with their biological family.

The siblings have weekly unsupervised visits with their mother. The visits are generally positive, and the kids seem to enjoy spending time with their mother. Despite their challenges and unstable history, the siblings look forward to the visits.

Foster parents must support the goal of reunification.

A foster family must be able to work with the mother and support the permanency goal of reunification. It is preferred that a foster home accept the placement of both Deone and Amber. A nurturing environment is desired to allow both kids to get on a promising healing path. This is a long-term placement, as their mom has some difficult work ahead of her. She desperately wants to reunite with her children and is working toward that goal.

*CCR did not have a foster home available in the right location to accept Amber and Deone's placement, so the referring county continued its search. We always need more foster homes for kids of all ages. If you want to learn more about becoming a foster parent with CCR, we would love to speak with you.

All names have been changed to protect the privacy of the family.

Large Sibling Groups Struggle to Find Foster Parents

The number of sibling groups being referred to CCR continues to rise. Young siblings are entering Wisconsin foster care at alarming rates, primarily due to severe neglect. Sibling pairs and large groups are regularly placed in CCR foster homes in counties across Wisconsin. Most CCR foster families care for siblings or more than one child at a time. When their homes are full, we have no choice but to turn away referrals like a recent sibling group of three. Meet Martia, Jaylan, and Miya, siblings recently referred to CCR in hopes of finding a foster home to meet their elevated needs.

Sibling groups in foster care require more than bedroom space.

Wisconsinites familiar with CCR know that our qualifications to become foster parents focus heavily on flexible schedules. In other words, we need foster parents who can attend multiple weekly appointments and be available to kids when needed most, including after-school and summer breaks. Siblings like Martia, Jaylan, and Miya have trauma histories, require school support, and typically need additional outside services. Without day-to-day flexibility, caring for them and managing schedules would be difficult.

 

Martia recently celebrated her birthday. She is four years old and doing well in many areas, considering the neglectful circumstances she came from. Although she is not speaking as fluid as most children her age, she can express herself appropriately and tries her best to communicate effectively. She is a curious little girl who loves to please. She follows and mimics her older sister, Miya, who has been her mother figure for many years. Her attachment to Miya is not unusual with sibling groups when parents or caregivers have not been present or active in the home.

Martia sleeps well and has a healthy appetite. Although potty trained, she has accidents and wears a pull-up at night for occasional bed-wetting. It is reported that she will have tantrums lasting up to 30 minutes. Martia would benefit from socialization with other young children.

Keeping siblings together in foster care can be challenging.

11-year-old Jaylan is a typical boy in many ways. He loves video games and wants to buy a skateboard. He can be wise for his years and is very protective of his sisters. He has good insight and understands the needs of his sisters more than he should. Jaylan needs reminders to be a child, not a caretaker for his sisters. It causes much stress for him. He does not make friends easily and is working on being more social with his peers.

Jaylan spends much time alone, suffers from low self-esteem, and has been diagnosed with depression. He is reported to have problems with anger and tends to keep to himself. He has witnessed significant violence in his family and has been present during drug use and threatening situations. Although he is good at keeping himself occupied independently, he would do well in a family environment, offering healthy family group activities.

Jaylan is in therapy and a mentoring program at this time. He is in the 6th grade and performs satisfactory work at school. He struggles to complete homework and does not participate in class. He reads and writes below grade level, and math is increasingly difficult. Jaylan does not have any educational needs.

Foster children who have been neglected can have an array of regressive issues.

Miya is nine years old and described as creative and empathetic. Her brother describes her as the peacekeeper of the family. She is quiet and slow to open up, but her kindness is evident when she does. She tends to Martia's wants and needs and often puts her own needs aside.

Animals, music, and art are Miya's favorite things. She loves cats and hopes to have one someday. Miya does not like loud noises or being punished. She has witnessed family violence and gets frightened by yelling and loud voices. It is reported that Miya suffers from regressive issues, including bed-wetting (she wears Pull-Ups), using a teddy bear to comfort herself, and hiding her face when nervous or afraid. She worries about her younger sister and does not trust that caregivers will meet her needs.

Miya does not have any educational needs. She is currently enrolled in individual therapy.

We did not have a foster home for this sibling group.

Sadly, we did not have a foster home in the right location to accommodate all three kids so the referral was passed back to the county. We are truly desperate for more homes in every county location we serve. On average, we receive 45 monthly referrals from counties across the state. We have homes for less than 15% of the children.

Please get in touch with us to learn how to become a foster parent in Wisconsin and help kids like Miya, Jaylan, and Martia.

All identifying information are altered to protect the privacy of children.

 

 

Siblings in Foster Care Hope to Stay Together

One of our greatest needs is to license more Wisconsin foster parents to care for sibling groups. We continue to receive referrals from counties across Wisconsin, and more often than not, we do not have foster homes available in the right location to meet the needs of the children. Fostering siblings requires great flexibility and the ability to meet younger kids where they are while getting on a path toward healing. Meet Benjamin, Adam, and Thomas, three little brothers desperate for a foster home to keep them together and handle their elevated needs. 

Siblings in foster care need structure, stability, and flexibility.

This sibling group of three brothers is currently placed with their maternal aunt. She cannot maintain the children in her care due to their aggressive behaviors, level of trauma, and lack of structure and routine. The aunt has no parental experience and limited resources. She is only 24 years old. Her primary support person is her 19-year-old live-in boyfriend. The sibling group had resided with the aunt for three months, before that, they lived with their maternal grandmother, their legal guardian.

The maternal grandmother’s recent homelessness and mental and physical health ailments left the boys needing placement and CPS intervention. Thus, the aunt was located and agreed to care for the boys.

Boy 1

Benjamin is the oldest child. He is a wise 9-year-old. However, he has expressed that he does not always feel safe at his aunt’s home. As a result, he has asked to live with respite providers instead of his maternal aunt. Likewise, 6-year-old Thomas also expresses his desire to live elsewhere.

The Department has received two CPS reports alleging physical abuse of the children since their placement in the aunt’s home.  The most recent report came in over a weekend after the weekend respite provider found large bruises on Thomas' back.

All three boys were interviewed by CPS and expressed their safety concerns regarding their aunt. The boys are not returning at this time as an investigation is in pursuit, and the aunt has verbalized an inability to maintain the three boys. It is unknown what the investigation will uncover.

Foster parents caring for siblings must be resilient.

Benjamin is believed to be the most delayed or behind socially and academically. When compared to his younger brothers. The middle brother, Adam, is eight years old and has been an open book about his feelings and things going on in the home. Adam struggles with the most aggressive behaviors historically (he was kicked out of daycare at a young age), but his involvement with CCS (Comprehensive Community Services) over the past year has shown that he has been able to calm himself, take direction, and have less aggressive behaviors.

When initially placed with the aunt, it is reported that Thomas displayed aggression towards his youngest sibling, Danny, who has been placed with his maternal aunt since birth. Danny is 18 months old (not included in the sibling group of 3 needing placement). Thomas does not show this aggressive behavior while in the care of the regular respite provider. It is believed that Thomas may have been aggressive towards Danny because while in his aunt’s home, Danny is the “baby,” In contrast, Thomas is used to being “the baby” of the family while previously raised by his maternal grandmother.

Thomas has flourished while in respite care with the structure and attention he is provided.

Kids in foster care need to feel safe.

The Department is not looking for placement of Danny as the maternal aunt can adequately provide care for him independently of his three older siblings. The aunt describes that the boys are angry. She feels they are angry because living with their maternal grandmother was not healthy or safe emotionally. However, each boy does great one-on-one and when receiving positive attention and parenting. She reports that the boys would do best if they could remain together. The aunt would like to remain involved as an auntie to the boys but cannot remain a full-time caregiver for all four siblings.

Griese boy

All three boys are participating in individual therapy.  Benjamin and Thomas also have an IEP. All support services would continue in a new foster home.

The boys just transitioned to a new school in January as the aunt could not transport the boys over 30 miles to the school near the grandmother's previous home. Moving to another new school will be difficult, but the transition may go well if structure and stability are present in a new home.

None of the boys are on medication at this time. There are no known health concerns. The aunt would like to set up regular visits with the boys so they can see their baby brother.

Kids are referred to CCR every day. We need your help.

*This blog series highlights actual referrals received. Names are changed to protect privacy.

New Foster Parents Found for Sibling Group

So many foster parents in counties across Wisconsin are caring for sibling groups. More than 70% of foster children at CCR are in care with at least one sibling. We recently received a referral for a sibling group of three. After spending four weeks in a county foster home, their foster parents gave notice for removal stating the siblings were more than they could manage. After careful exploration and consideration, we placed all three children in a loving, flexible foster home that could meet their higher needs. Here is a bit of their history.

Foster parents need more training and support.

Dominick will be four years old in February. He and his two sisters suffer from prolonged neglect. As a result, each has heightened behaviors and emotions that prove too much for Basic Level Foster Parents. Not because the foster parents didn't have big hearts or best intentions but rather because they were not equipped with the necessary training or support. To successfully care for children with severe trauma, foster parents need more. Likewise, to heal and grow, foster kids need more.

autism kid looking far away without interesting SBI 300997599 2

Caring for three kids under age 6 with heightened behaviors is challenging, even for the most seasoned foster parents. Trauma-informed parenting is essential to helping kids heal and promoting successful outcomes. Unfortunately, even the best foster parents can struggle to manage the behaviors and emotions of young children without the necessary training and support services. 

The challenge is TRAUMA. In Dominick's case, more than basic parenting skills and minimal support from an agency was needed. 

Why must foster parents meet flexibility requirements?

Dominick and his sisters, Mariah, 2, and Marissa, 6, without a doubt, needed foster parents who would utilize trauma-informed parenting skills while readily available to meet their higher needs. In addition, a successful foster home would require a parent available at all times, as daycare was unsuccessful in the previous placement.

He and his sisters were removed from the home after Mariah suffered significant burns on her stomach and chest from the kitchen oven. Mom was home when the incident occurred. She has a history of drug and alcohol abuse and has an on-again, off-again relationship with Mariah's father. Her parental rights have been terminated for six older children.

At nearly four, Dominick is not potty trained, is speech delayed, and struggles with anger, heightened emotions, and behaviors. In addition, he struggles to play or interact appropriately with his sisters, 

Dominick went to daycare with Mariah 3 days a week. However, the two were separated due to Dominick's aggressive behavior toward his sister. The staff contacted the foster mom several times concerning his behavior and reported that most days were spent redirecting or separating Dominick from other children. 

Trauma is present in what may appear to be normal sibling rivalry.

The previous foster mom reported that Dominick has difficulty sleeping at night and wakes others in the house with screaming and wall kicking. In addition, he and his older sister fight for attention constantly. Hitting, kicking, biting, and pushing were common occurrences, and increased supervision was required when the children were in the same room. 

He communicates his needs and wants somewhat effectively and figures out quickly how things work. He requires direct, line-of-sight supervision and 1:1 attention, which he does well with. He can count to 5 and knows some of his colors. He is easily triggered when he does not get the attention he seeks. On the other hand, he can be a very sweet, affectionate boy. 

It was recommended that Dominick be placed in a new foster home without pets as he had taken his frustrations out on the family dog several times, but he was never hurt. In addition, it was noted that Dominick must be separated from his sisters when dressing due to the use of inappropriate language in the presence of his sisters. 

Attention-seeking behaviors are commonplace. 

Dominick loves music, which helps keep him focused and calm during diaper changes, teeth brushing, and bathing. He loves putting on his shoes and rides very well in his car seat, if not within reach of Marissa. He washes his hands well and will often help clear his place after meals. He does well with positive affirmations and loves a loud "great job." However, he is easily upset if his sisters get positive attention and will push Mariah or throw toys or objects at both girls.

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The previous foster mom stated the kids could grow and heal if they are in the right environment and get needed services. However, a 30-day notice was given by the family because the three kids together were too much to handle. The foster mom worked three days a week, and her husband worked Monday-Friday, often returning home at 6 pm. Along with their biological children, 9 and 12, managing everybody was more than they anticipated. 

Kids in foster care can thrive if given the necessary services and support.

There has been a noticeable change in the siblings in the six weeks spent in their current CCR foster home. Most notably, Dominick responds very well to being at home with their foster mom vs. going to daycare. The 1:1 attention and heightened supervision needed made it difficult for him to succeed at daycare. It is not uncommon for kids with significant trauma to struggle in a daycare environment. 

Mealtime continues to be a struggle, particularly for Marissa and Dominick, but the kids are trying more foods and learning about healthy eating. Bedtime and bath routines are very lengthy but overall successful. Meltdowns are still common with Mariah and Dominick but using Trauma-Informed parenting tools helps, as well as the 24/7 support of their Clinical Case Manager.

All three children visit with their mom once per week. Mariah also visits with her father. In addition, the assigned CCR Clinical Case Manager visits the home each week for approximately 2.5 hours. Weekly support visits are provided to all CCR foster families. 

"There is a lot of history there that needs to be unpacked and explored." noted their previous foster mom. "Dominick's violent tendencies can be frightening, but at the same time, he is a loveable little boy."

This sibling group is the second placement for the CCR foster family. They do not have other children living at home or pets, which seems helpful to all three kids. The foster mom works part-time, two evenings each week, and her husband works full-time days, arriving home by 4:30. They are supported by friends and local family and are taking things one day at a time with the kids. Both are hopeful that all three kids will continue to thrive in their home.  

Understanding trauma and using trauma-informed parenting are crucial to helping kids heal. Therefore, all CCR foster parents are trained to use trauma-informed tools and receive great support from our highly trained staff. As a result, kids like Dominick and his sisters can heal with proper treatment. Together, our staff and foster parents have witnessed hundreds of kids with significant trauma heal and grow in our 33 years of providing treatment foster care. 

 

Foster Mom of 5 Siblings Loves Being a Foster Parent

I have always wanted to be a foster parent for sibling groups.

My name is Heather; I am a stay-at-home Wisconsin foster parent and cannot express enough how amazing CCR has been for my family and me. When I first looked into how to become a foster parent, I reached out to a local private agency and my county foster care agency. It took many phone calls and several weeks to get return calls or an information packet in the mail. I was frustrated already and had barely begun. I found CCR online while doing more research and made the call. They answered immediately and talked with me for nearly an hour! My husband and I were licensed a couple of months later. That is quick!

We received placement of a large sibling group 11 days after licensing. Very quick! We instantly went from a family of 4 (soon to be 5) to a family of 9 (soon to be 10). Yes, I was pregnant, had two kids of my own, and said yes to fostering a large sibling group. Our dream! We are thrilled and blessed to foster these five precious kids. Here is a quick story of how we got to be a family of 10.

Heather Doherty

All foster parents deserve 24/7 support and transparent communication.

We chose CCR for MANY reasons. Just the first phone call alone, I could tell how much they genuinely care about the children that have to go through this challenging process. They have a fantastic training course with so many members to help you and answer any questions along the way. Unlike most agencies, with CCR, you will ALWAYS be able to get ahold of someone to talk to about anything that comes up at any time of day or night.
My husband and I wanted to foster sibling groups to help them stay together. These children often find themselves at CCR because it is hard to find homes to take all the children together. I admit I thought it was a little invasive, knowing we would have a case manager in our house every week. But oh my goodness, it’s AMAZING. I love my case manager Wanda! At least for the first month, that poor lady was getting phone calls from me daily! Sometimes a few a day! She answered and talked me through all my questions and concerns or even vented about what’s happening with my bio children!

There are so many siblings in foster care.

We wish we could live in a world where foster parents weren’t needed, and kids were safe at home. Unfortunately, that’s not the case, and more and more kids are being removed daily. Neglect, all forms of abuse, death in the family, or even the parents just needing a little help to get back on their feet. I look at my foster children every day, and my heart hurts knowing that there are kids out there falling through the cracks or hiding their pain from what’s happening at home, so nobody knows.
Even the thought that maybe without my husband and I, they would be separated and in different homes away from each other makes my heart hurt. All five kids have been a blessing to our family.
I’m so blessed to be a part of the CCR family and am so thankful for the kiddos in my home. Watching them and guiding them to overcome their trauma and hardships can be challenging at times but amazingly worth it.
Please consider fostering. Don’t think you have the room? Call and ask. Don’t think you have the time? Call and ask. Don’t think you have the financial means? Call and ask. If you have the heart to do it and the patience, I promise you it’s worth it.
Some so many kids need a home. One loving home could change their life completely.
If you have any questions, please reach out to CCR or even ask to talk with me. I am willing to help in any way I can.
Sincerely,
Heather, proud CCR foster mom of 8.

A Very Brave Boy in Wisconsin Foster Care

Jamal is a 10-year-old boy in Wisconsin foster care. He has been living with a CCR foster family for about a year. He and his little sister are doing well and developing solid relationships with the foster parents. Jamal was crushed that he did not see his mom over Christmas. He believes his mom is mad at him because of their conversation the week before. Here is a summary of what happened.

Being a foster parent means developing solid and unique bonds with children.

Jamal was disappointed that his mom didn't show up for their Christmas visit. He is afraid that she doesn't want to see him anymore because of something he told her. She blamed missing the visit on the weather, but Jamal is convinced his mom is mad at him. Jamal states his mom has a history of lying and not telling the truth. When she gets caught lying, she speaks more lies. When she is mad, she ignores people.

During the past year, Jamal has developed powerful feelings for his foster parents. He thought about talking to his mom about his feelings for a long time. He found the courage to tell his mom he wanted to be adopted by his foster family during a visit before Christmas. He told his mom that he believes he is in a better place with his new foster family and feels strongly his mom is not physically or emotionally able to care for him. What a brave, insightful young man! 

 

Kids in foster care are often stuck in the middle.

Jamal said his mom listened and didn’t get mad right away, but she was sad, cried, and hoped he would want to come home.

Jamal shared what he liked about being part of his foster family and compared that to life when he lived with his mom. He remembers not having much food and spending most of the time indoors. He said he didn't like living in a dirty house or staying up late. Several times, he fell asleep at school because he was so tired. Jamal also told his mom that he didn't understand why his mom and older sister were always locked in their bedrooms. He doesn't know what they were doing, but sometimes they didn't come out until the next day. As a result, he and his little sister didn't get to eat or brush their teeth.

He is very happy in his foster home because he gets to eat dinner every day, takes long showers, and doesn't get hit with things by his foster parents when they are mad.

Jamal reported to his case manager that his mom would spank him with different objects. In addition, he was told to lie if a man came to visit because the social worker didn't want the kids to see them. He spoke about having difficulty understanding why his mom falls asleep in the middle of talking, which she continues to do during their weekly contact.  He added that if he and his sister needed anything, his Grandma usually took care of it and not his mother. So much expression from such a young boy!

Foster children can experience an entirely new way of life.

In comparison, Jamal reported that his foster parents are nice and want him to do well in school and have schedules for eating and sleeping. He understands that discipline and rules are necessary for teaching him good behavior and that discipline is always done with love. He says he usually gets in trouble when he doesn't listen or fights with his sister, but his foster mom doesn't hit him. He likes going to church and feels connected to the entire foster family. He also likes how the family laughs and plays with him and his sister.

Recently, Jamal's case manager explained how family case decisions are made. He had questions about who would decide who he gets to live with. At ten years old, he clearly understands that considering permanency is complicated. He knows that his mom has requirements for successful reunification, which is different from just wanting him and his sister back. His case manager continues to be impressed by the boy's maturity and resilience.

Jamal said he felt good after telling his mom his feelings, and he feels ready to speak to the court, too, if he has a chance. He was glad his mom wasn't too mad at him, but he felt terrible that she was sad. The case manager explained the role of a GAL, Guardian ad Litem, to Jamal and how it would be beneficial to have a conversation with her ahead of the next hearing. He said that he would still like to have his mom and the rest of his family a part of his life, but he doesn’t want to go back to living with his mom and wants to stay where he is.

Foster mom was surprised by the conversation.

When Susan (foster mom) learned what Jamal told his mother, she was surprised. Susan was unaware that Jamal planned to speak with his mom about being adopted. She knew it had been on his mind for a while but thought it was too early to talk about it with her. Susan planned to follow up and talk with him to process how he felt. She added that it would be beneficial for Jamal to get therapy again. Susan also said Jamal doesn’t talk about his previous foster care experiences, but the GAL has commented that he seems much happier in their home than in past homes.

Susan received information that Jamal's mother has not yet completed her task to enroll Jamal in therapy and that now he may be put on a waitlist. The provider attempted to reach his mom by phone and sent paperwork two weeks ago with no return contact. Lack of response from the kid's mom is a continued problem.

Jamal's mother asked if the Christmas get-together could be rescheduled, but the foster family could not accommodate the request but suggested an alternative date in January. Jamal's older sister stopped by the house briefly after Christmas for about 15 minutes. The quick visit went well. The rescheduled January date did not occur because Jamal's mom reported having car trouble. She again asked Susan if another date could be arranged. Susan was hesitant because she didn't want her to be a "no show" again. They decided to wait until the next scheduled family visit to celebrate Christmas. Jamal questioned his mom's reason for canceling and said, "she always tells people she has car trouble."

Foster kids must know it is okay to talk about their feelings.

Jamal is anxious to see his mom in person to ensure that she isn't mad about him wanting to be adopted. He told his case manager that he was afraid she didn't want to see him anymore because of what he said. He said sometimes he wishes he didn't tell her. The case manager reassured him that his mom loves him very much and that it was ok to talk about our feelings.

Jamal has regularly scheduled meetings each week with his mentor. He will start karate in February, and it will run two nights a week for six weeks. He is looking forward to the class. Susan continues to work with Jamal on smooth morning routines. She also encourages Jamal to resist feeling that he is his sister's caretaker. This has been difficult for Jamal, but progress is being made.

Jamal is looking forward to the next scheduled visit with his mom and hopes she doesn't cancel or not show up again.

There are hundreds of Wisconsin children like Jamal who need loving foster parents. Qualify to become a foster parent and change a child's life like Jamal.

All identifying information are altered to protect the privacy of children.

 

 

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