Foster Parents Struggle to Meet Needs of Foster Child
"Anthony" is eight years old and is in foster care in Wisconsin. He has been in 2 foster homes. His mom is incarcerated, and his dad is not active. His older sister visits with him virtually once a week. Anthony's foster care journey is like so many others. Unstable, bouncing from home to home. We share these profiles, hoping kind-hearted people like you can better understand trauma and what kids in foster care need from foster parents to heal.
Vulnerable children need Wisconsin foster parents to commit.
Previous foster families said his behaviors were too much. They needed more support than their foster agencies could provide, and both families expressed Anthony's need for therapy services. Although both families shared many beautiful qualities, they could not give the boy what he needed. It should also be mentioned that both foster families worked full-time hours with little to no flexibility to meet Anthony's needs. Neither was receiving the necessary support to succeed.
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Foster parents need a foster agency that provides exceptional support.
Foster parents cannot do this work alone; children like Anthony need more than a loving family. They require more than basic parenting skills to heal from trauma. Foster parents must know how to care for kids with trauma histories. Proper training is essential. County agencies that refer kids to CCR trust we have the resources, training, support services, and staff to help kids like Anthony while supporting the families providing care.
CCR staff and families treat trauma. We help kids heal. Right now, we don't have enough foster homes.
Anthony has many beautiful qualities and characteristics. He also has numerous challenges that require more structure, consistency, and patience from foster parents.
He sleeps well, enjoys a variety of foods, and can be a charmer when not in fight-or-flight mode. He loves to play video games and enjoys playing in the bathtub. He likes to be helpful with simple meal prep and prefers to be in the company of adults. He misses his mother and asks about her frequently. He can visit with her virtually every week.
Foster children have wants and needs from foster parents.
Former foster parents reported that Anthony does okay in school for the most part. However, both expressed concerns with social skills, listening, and creating disturbances but agreed that he is interested in learning. He continues to make progress with early reading and struggles with math concepts. He is not at grade level in any subject.
Anthony is a bright, intelligent, and funny boy. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, and PTSD. He often struggles with accepting directives and consequences. He continues to work on de-escalation and coping skills when triggered. He has shown progress in many areas.
Anthony reports wanting a family that won't yell and has too many rules. "I like video games, hugs, spy stuff, and chocolate." He especially likes ramen noodles and slushies and dislikes vegetables, smelly smoke, and mean people.
Anthony needs reminders to wait his turn and give others space. He often struggles when others get more attention than he does, which causes him to act out to gain attention. Providing structure, routines, and house rules will be beneficial for Anthony.
CCR foster parents are prepared and supported to care for kids like Anthony.
Bouncing from foster home to foster home compounds a child's trauma. It isn't easy to heal and grow when moving between homes. CCR prepares foster parents to care for kids with trauma and heightened behaviors, and we provide many essential tools and resources to help kids like Anthony succeed. One of the many ways we support our families is by meeting with them weekly in their homes.
We ensure that services, therapies, and 24/7 support are in place.
We need loving homes with flexible schedules for kids like Anthony. A parent must be available for 2-3 weekly appointments and unplanned interruptions. Having a plan when kids are not in school is also essential.
Sadly, we did not have the right foster home in the right location for Anthony. In cases like this, the referring county is left scrambling to find a foster home.
Please contact us if you would like to learn more about becoming a foster parent with CCR.
New Foster Parents Found for Sibling Group
So many foster parents in counties across Wisconsin are caring for sibling groups. More than 70% of foster children at CCR are in care with at least one sibling. We recently received a referral for a sibling group of three. After spending four weeks in a county foster home, their foster parents gave notice for removal stating the siblings were more than they could manage. After careful exploration and consideration, we placed all three children in a loving, flexible foster home that could meet their higher needs. Here is a bit of their history.
Foster parents need more training and support.
Dominick will be four years old in February. He and his two sisters suffer from prolonged neglect. As a result, each has heightened behaviors and emotions that prove too much for Basic Level Foster Parents. Not because the foster parents didn't have big hearts or best intentions but rather because they were not equipped with the necessary training or support. To successfully care for children with severe trauma, foster parents need more. Likewise, to heal and grow, foster kids need more.
Caring for three kids under age 6 with heightened behaviors is challenging, even for the most seasoned foster parents. Trauma-informed parenting is essential to helping kids heal and promoting successful outcomes. Unfortunately, even the best foster parents can struggle to manage the behaviors and emotions of young children without the necessary training and support services.
The challenge is TRAUMA. In Dominick's case, more than basic parenting skills and minimal support from an agency was needed.
Why must foster parents meet flexibility requirements?
Dominick and his sisters, Mariah, 2, and Marissa, 6, without a doubt, needed foster parents who would utilize trauma-informed parenting skills while readily available to meet their higher needs. In addition, a successful foster home would require a parent available at all times, as daycare was unsuccessful in the previous placement.
He and his sisters were removed from the home after Mariah suffered significant burns on her stomach and chest from the kitchen oven. Mom was home when the incident occurred. She has a history of drug and alcohol abuseand has an on-again, off-again relationship with Mariah's father. Her parental rights have been terminated for six older children.
At nearly four, Dominick is not potty trained, is speech delayed, and struggles with anger, heightened emotions, and behaviors. In addition, he struggles to play or interact appropriately with his sisters,
Dominick went to daycare with Mariah 3 days a week. However, the two were separated due to Dominick's aggressive behavior toward his sister. The staff contacted the foster mom several times concerning his behavior and reported that most days were spent redirecting or separating Dominick from other children.
Trauma is present in what may appear to be normal sibling rivalry.
The previous foster mom reported that Dominick has difficulty sleeping at night and wakes others in the house with screaming and wall kicking. In addition, he and his older sister fight for attention constantly. Hitting, kicking, biting, and pushing were common occurrences, and increased supervision was required when the children were in the same room.
He communicates his needs and wants somewhat effectively and figures out quickly how things work. He requires direct, line-of-sight supervision and 1:1 attention, which he does well with. He can count to 5 and knows some of his colors. He is easily triggered when he does not get the attention he seeks. On the other hand, he can be a very sweet, affectionate boy.
It was recommended that Dominick be placed in a new foster home without pets as he had taken his frustrations out on the family dog several times, but he was never hurt. In addition, it was noted that Dominick must be separated from his sisters when dressing due to the use of inappropriate language in the presence of his sisters.
Attention-seeking behaviors are commonplace.
Dominick loves music, which helps keep him focused and calm during diaper changes, teeth brushing, and bathing. He loves putting on his shoes and rides very well in his car seat, if not within reach of Marissa. He washes his hands well and will often help clear his place after meals. He does well with positive affirmations and loves a loud "great job." However, he is easily upset if his sisters get positive attention and will push Mariah or throw toys or objects at both girls.
The previous foster mom stated the kids could grow and heal if they are in the right environment and get needed services. However, a 30-day notice was given by the family because the three kids together were too much to handle. The foster mom worked three days a week, and her husband worked Monday-Friday, often returning home at 6 pm. Along with their biological children, 9 and 12, managing everybody was more than they anticipated.
Kids in foster care can thrive if given the necessary services and support.
There has been a noticeable change in the siblings in the six weeks spent in their current CCR foster home. Most notably, Dominick responds very well to being at home with their foster mom vs. going to daycare. The 1:1 attention and heightened supervision needed made it difficult for him to succeed at daycare. It is not uncommon for kids with significant trauma to struggle in a daycare environment.
Mealtime continues to be a struggle, particularly for Marissa and Dominick, but the kids are trying more foods and learning about healthy eating. Bedtime and bath routines are very lengthy but overall successful. Meltdowns are still common with Mariah and Dominick but using Trauma-Informed parenting tools helps, as well as the 24/7 support of their Clinical Case Manager.
All three children visit with their mom once per week. Mariah also visits with her father. In addition, the assigned CCR Clinical Case Manager visits the home each week for approximately 2.5 hours. Weekly support visits are provided to all CCR foster families.
"There is a lot of history there that needs to be unpacked and explored." noted their previous foster mom. "Dominick's violent tendencies can be frightening, but at the same time, he is a loveable little boy."
This sibling group is the second placement for the CCR foster family. They do not have other children living at home or pets, which seems helpful to all three kids. The foster mom works part-time, two evenings each week, and her husband works full-time days, arriving home by 4:30. They are supported by friends and local family and are taking things one day at a time with the kids. Both are hopeful that all three kids will continue to thrive in their home.
Understanding trauma and using trauma-informed parenting are crucial to helping kids heal. Therefore, all CCR foster parents are trained to use trauma-informed tools and receive great support from our highly trained staff. As a result, kids like Dominick and his sisters can heal with proper treatment. Together, our staff and foster parents have witnessed hundreds of kids with significant trauma heal and grow in our 33 years of providing treatment foster care.
A Very Brave Boy in Wisconsin Foster Care
Jamal is a 10-year-old boy in Wisconsin foster care. He has been living with a CCR foster family for about a year. He and his little sister are doing well and developing solid relationships with the foster parents. Jamal was crushed that he did not see his mom over Christmas. He believes his mom is mad at him because of their conversation the week before. Here is a summary of what happened.
Being a foster parent means developing solid and unique bonds with children.
Jamal was disappointed that his mom didn't show up for their Christmas visit. He is afraid that she doesn't want to see him anymore because of something he told her. She blamed missing the visit on the weather, but Jamal is convinced his mom is mad at him. Jamal states his mom has a history of lying and not telling the truth. When she gets caught lying, she speaks more lies. When she is mad, she ignores people.
During the past year, Jamal has developed powerful feelings for his foster parents. He thought about talking to his mom about his feelings for a long time. He found the courage to tell his mom he wanted to be adopted by his foster family during a visit before Christmas. He told his mom that he believes he is in a better place with his new foster family and feels strongly his mom is not physically or emotionally able to care for him. What a brave, insightful young man!
Kids in foster care are often stuck in the middle.
Jamal said his mom listened and didn’t get mad right away, but she was sad, cried, and hoped he would want to come home.
Jamal shared what he liked about being part of his foster family and compared that to life when he lived with his mom. He remembers not having much food and spending most of the time indoors. He said he didn't like living in a dirty house or staying up late. Several times, he fell asleep at school because he was so tired. Jamal also told his mom that he didn't understand why his mom and older sister were always locked in their bedrooms. He doesn't know what they were doing, but sometimes they didn't come out until the next day. As a result, he and his little sister didn't get to eat or brush their teeth.
He is very happy in his foster home because he gets to eat dinner every day, takes long showers, and doesn't get hit with things by his foster parents when they are mad.
Jamal reported to his case manager that his mom would spank him with different objects. In addition, he was told to lie if a man came to visit because the social worker didn't want the kids to see them. He spoke about having difficulty understanding why his mom falls asleep in the middle of talking, which she continues to do during their weekly contact. He added that if he and his sister needed anything, his Grandma usually took care of it and not his mother. So much expression from such a young boy!
Foster children can experience an entirely new way of life.
In comparison, Jamal reported that his foster parents are nice and want him to do well in school and have schedules for eating and sleeping. He understands that discipline and rules are necessary for teaching him good behavior and that discipline is always done with love. He says he usually gets in trouble when he doesn't listen or fights with his sister, but his foster mom doesn't hit him. He likes going to church and feels connected to the entire foster family. He also likes how the family laughs and plays with him and his sister.
Recently, Jamal's case manager explained how family case decisions are made. He had questions about who would decide who he gets to live with. At ten years old, he clearly understands that considering permanency is complicated. He knows that his mom has requirements for successful reunification, which is different from just wanting him and his sister back. His case manager continues to be impressed by the boy's maturity and resilience.
Jamal said he felt good after telling his mom his feelings, and he feels ready to speak to the court, too, if he has a chance. He was glad his mom wasn't too mad at him, but he felt terrible that she was sad. The case manager explained the role of a GAL, Guardian ad Litem, to Jamal and how it would be beneficial to have a conversation with her ahead of the next hearing. He said that he would still like to have his mom and the rest of his family a part of his life, but he doesn’t want to go back to living with his mom and wants to stay where he is.
Foster mom was surprised by the conversation.
When Susan (foster mom) learned what Jamal told his mother, she was surprised. Susan was unaware that Jamal planned to speak with his mom about being adopted. She knew it had been on his mind for a while but thought it was too early to talk about it with her. Susan planned to follow up and talk with him to process how he felt. She added that it would be beneficial for Jamal to get therapy again. Susan also said Jamal doesn’t talk about his previous foster care experiences, but the GAL has commented that he seems much happier in their home than in past homes.
Susan received information that Jamal's mother has not yet completed her task to enroll Jamal in therapy and that now he may be put on a waitlist. The provider attempted to reach his mom by phone and sent paperwork two weeks ago with no return contact. Lack of response from the kid's mom is a continued problem.
Jamal's mother asked if the Christmas get-together could be rescheduled, but the foster family could not accommodate the request but suggested an alternative date in January. Jamal's older sister stopped by the house briefly after Christmas for about 15 minutes. The quick visit went well. The rescheduled January date did not occur because Jamal's mom reported having car trouble. She again asked Susan if another date could be arranged. Susan was hesitant because she didn't want her to be a "no show" again. They decided to wait until the next scheduled family visit to celebrate Christmas. Jamal questioned his mom's reason for canceling and said, "she always tells people she has car trouble."
Foster kids must know it is okay to talk about their feelings.
Jamal is anxious to see his mom in person to ensure that she isn't mad about him wanting to be adopted. He told his case manager that he was afraid she didn't want to see him anymore because of what he said. He said sometimes he wishes he didn't tell her. The case manager reassured him that his mom loves him very much and that it was ok to talk about our feelings.
Jamal has regularly scheduled meetings each week with his mentor. He will start karate in February, and it will run two nights a week for six weeks. He is looking forward to the class. Susan continues to work with Jamal on smooth morning routines. She also encourages Jamal to resist feeling that he is his sister's caretaker. This has been difficult for Jamal, but progress is being made.
Jamal is looking forward to the next scheduled visit with his mom and hopes she doesn't cancel or not show up again.
There are hundreds of Wisconsin children like Jamal who need loving foster parents. Qualify to become a foster parent and change a child's life like Jamal.
All identifying information are altered to protect the privacy of children.
Why Are So Many Kids in Foster Care
Wisconsin foster parents understand the challenges of caring for kids from hard places. Unfortunately, children in foster care have experienced unsafe conditions, sexual or physical abuse, and neglect or have parents who cannot care for them. Most kids in Wisconsin foster care have been severely neglected, partly due to parental drug use. A sibling group of five recently entered care, and the conditions and family dynamics that led to their removal are shared below.
The #1 reason kids are in foster care.
The "Martins" cannot control their substance abuse, and it inhibits their parental capacities. Their children are vulnerable and exposed to threatening circumstances they cannot manage or control. The behavior of both parents has ill effects on the children, and extended family members have not successfully shielded the children from the impact of their drug addiction and behaviors. Mr. and Mrs. Martin do not have sufficient, safe housing for their children.
For over three years, the Martins informally placed their five children, ages 9, 6, 5, 3, and 2, with family members and friends. Finally, in late 2018, temporary caregivers agreed that Mr. and Mrs. Martin would attend a drug treatment program for their addiction to methamphetamine and heroin. Yet, six months later, neither enrolled in a treatment program and had minimal contact with their children.
Family and friends could not keep the siblings together for most of the three years. As a result, the children were separated and moved frequently between homes. Mr. and Mrs. Martin made several attempts to care for the children but repeatedly sent the kids back to family and friends.
The Department of Human Services reportedly offered the family services since early 2019. Those services included relative placements, guardianship, jail visits, voluntary placement agreements, referrals for mental health and AODA, transportation, groceries for relative caregivers, power of attorney paperwork, and home visits.
A sibling group of 5 enters foster care.
In 2021, family members could no longer care for the children and returned to living with their parents. Shortly after that, the children were found in a camper during the arrest of Mr. Martin. The trailer was in disarray, and the children were taken to County Health and Human Services. Human Services determined that neither of the parents could care for the children, and a protective plan was implemented. A medical evaluation resulted in a hair follicle examination and returned positive for environmental exposure to methamphetamine for all five children.
Under Wisconsin's Stature 48.13(10), neglect is defined as Whose parent, guardian, or legal custodian neglects for reasons other than poverty to provide necessary care, food, clothing, medical or dental care, or shelter to seriously endanger the physical health of the child. Critical care includes protection from behaviors that threaten a child's physical health.
A chaotic lifestyle surrounded by drug use and domestic violence.
Mrs. Martin has been referred to various programs for intravenous drug use, anxiety, depression, and paranoia. She states that Mr. Martin has threatened to kill her on two occasions. Mrs. Martin has a strained relationship with her biological mother and has limited contact. She cannot remain employed due to continued drug use and high anxiety levels. Inpatient programs have been unsuccessful, and she is now considering an outpatient self-help program.
Mr. Martin reports he has struggled with drug addiction for 20 years. He believes an inpatient stay at a rehabilitation center will be most successful in achieving sobriety. Unfortunately, attempted inpatient stays in the past have failed due to repeated drug relapses. At this time, he is hopeful to begin another drug program soon. Upon completion, he wants to find employment and support his family. Mr. Martin states he struggles with prescription medication, meth, and heroin and has a long history with law enforcement, including:
Auto theft
Bail jumping
Resisting an officer
Manufacture/Delivery of narcotics
Reckless endangerment
Burglary
Aggravated battery
DWI
Possession of prescription drugs without a prescription
Mrs. Martin recently filed for legal separation from Mr. Martin. Mr. Martin is currently in county jail for possession of controlled substances. Mrs. Martin has recently applied for disability benefits and is in an active AODA program, and Mr. Martin hopes to attend an inpatient program upon release.
How long are kids in foster care?
Generally, placement in foster care is temporary and intended to give families time to make necessary changes so that the children can live safely in their homes and community. Most children in foster care return home to their families, which is called reunification. When children cannot return home, they find permanence through adoption, guardianship, or other means.
This sibling group is cared for in a loving foster home, and reunification is the permanency plan for the family. The Martins have challenging work ahead of them. Both must establish mental health and AODA therapy to reunify with their children and show continued involvement and participation in that program. They must demonstrate that they can parent the children without drug use. In addition, the Martins must establish sufficient, safe housing for themselves and the children.
If the parents cannot eliminate or manage the safety concerns that threaten the children's well-being, Human Services will look for permanency options other than reunification. On average, kids like this sibling group of five spend 12-24 months in a CCR foster home. Each child has a specific treatment plan to address trauma histories and help the child heal and flourish. CCR foster parents adopt approximately 18% of kids in care.
Foster agencies struggle to place large sibling groups.
Many county agencies need help placing larger groups, so they often refer the kids to a private foster agency like CCR. We receive 40-50 referrals from counties across Wisconsin each month. Many are sibling groups of 2, 3, 4, or 5. Half of our foster parents are caring for siblings or more than one child. Our foster parents are prepared and trained to care for siblings and children with higher-level needs due to abuse and neglect.
It takes three months to become a foster parent with CCR and begin fostering a child or siblings.
Interested in learning how you can help siblings in Wisconsin foster care? Please feel free to contact us anytime. We would love to speak with you.
Mr. Martin reports he has struggled with drug addiction for 20 years. He believes an inpatient stay at a rehabilitation center will be most successful in achieving sobriety. Unfortunately, attempted inpatient stays in the past have failed due to repeated drug relapses. At this time, he is hopeful to begin another drug program soon. Upon completion, he wants to find employment and support his family. Mr. Martin states he struggles with prescription medication, meth, and heroin and has a long history with law enforcement, including: