A Tragic History All Too Common For Teens

Wisconsin teens in foster care are survivors.

Like many kids in Wisconsin foster care, Cathy has not had many basic life experiences. She recently went into a grocery store for the first time in her life with her foster mom. She was utterly overwhelmed. She is no different than most kids in foster care. She is a survivor. She struggles to trust. She is vulnerable. She is hurting.

A structured, stable foster home environment can provide significant opportunities for healing and growth. Like most other youth in care, Cathy requires a foster home able to support her with patience, consistency, and flexibility.

Her path toward healing begins with new foster parents.

A no-contact order is in place with her father, and communication with her mother has been attempted, although it can be challenging. Their relationship is volatile and unpredictable. Cathy is angry and expresses she has no desire to see her mom.

Cathy is currently placed in a temporary foster home while the referring County searches for a long-term, stable placement for her. She likes her privacy, and being alone is comforting and important to her. She is creative and enjoys arts and crafts, as well as engaging in conversation with others. She is easy to get along with and likes jigsaw puzzles and the foster family dog.

Like many teens, she loves video games. Unfortunately, Cathy cannot play unsupervised because of a history of inappropriate online behavior. Cathy does have a cell phone, although her current foster mom uses a structured phone schedule and supervises content.

Dog on bed

Many youth in foster care need gentle reminders.

Basic hygiene reminders are necessary. Showering, deodorant, and feminine hygiene are constant reminders. Like many youth in foster care, Cathy needs encouragement and praise.

Although Cathy has completed her first year of high school, she tests at a 5th-grade level for reading and writing. In addition, she has an IEP and behavior plan at school.

While living with her parents, she required a lot of extra help every morning upon arrival at school due to a bed bug issue at home. She reports that it was hard and uncomfortable starting her day that way. She was often bullied.

Cathy displays nearly all signs of childhood trauma:
  1. Reliving the event (flashbacks or nightmares)
  2. Avoidance
  3. Anxiety
  4. Depression
  5. Anger
  6. Problems with trust
  7. Withdrawal

Like many teens, she sleeps a lot. However, the current team suspects this may be related to medication. She is seen for med management and attends therapy weekly.

reddish brown hair girl

CCR desperately needs more homes for teens.

Teens like Cathy are referred to CCR every day. They are kids hoping for a stable, loving, safe place to call home—a home where adults can be trusted, and kids can begin to heal.

We did not have a home in the right county location for Cathy, so the referring county continued its search. In part, CCR turns away a very high percentage of referred teens because foster parents, new and experienced, fear the unknown. The majority of foster families are afraid of troubled teens. The reality is these are good kids. You can help!

Please get in touch with us to learn more about fostering teens and how you can begin your fostering journey. Qualify to be a foster parent and get started today.

All identifying information are altered to protect the privacy of children.

Wisconsin Teen Told He Should Never Have Been Adopted

A Wisconsin teen is in search of a new foster family. Mitchell is 13 and in foster care again. He needs a foster home as soon as possible, where he can get back on track with the consistency/predictability of programming while knowing he is safe and wanted. Would you have considered helping Mitchell if you were a CCR foster parent?

Teen in foster care hoping for a new family

Mitchell's adoptive mother recently made contact with him, causing several issues and disrupting his most recent foster home placement. His mother is highly triggering to him. Mitchell is not interested in communicating with his mother at this time. Due to the upsetting events, the current foster family has submitted a 30-day removal request, and the county is searching for a new home.

skateboard boy

His adoptive mother has repeatedly told Mitchell that he should never have been adopted and that he has destroyed her life. As a result, he is pretty dysregulated and anxious about finding a "new family" and inquires if every person who walks through the door will be his new mom or dad.

Mitchell is reactive to yelling/arguing; thus, he will do best with a calm foster family who is not quick to anger and can effectively use de-escalation tools. He is very good at testing limits. Much of his escalation occurs when providers get into power struggles with him. He likes to have control, so options are best for him, allowing him to make his own decisions.

Fostering teens requires patience and acceptance.

A new foster home should be able to provide Mitchell with consistent parenting skills and a structured, well-planned, scheduled home environment. He would do well in a house with younger children and a home with great flexibility to transport Mitchell to appointments and programs. In addition, he has expressed hope of finding a family with dogs or a farm. However, he has never experienced having a pet.

chicken

He craves attention and often overwhelms others to make people like him. Mitchell does well with peers but needs help with perceptions/what other kids think. He perseverates on comments other kids make, which is when behaviors show up.

He has been physically and verbally aggressive with his mother in the past. His mother preempts the aggression by telling him she does not want him anymore. His current foster family reports when Mitchell is dysregulated; he can be successfully redirected by offering a snack. He responds well to bear hugs and tight hand-holding. He does not like formal exercise. Using an outdoor swing has successfully allowed Mitchell to calm himself down.

Getting foster kids involved in sports helps in many ways.

Mitchell loves basketball in the driveway, which has also been a good coping activity. He also enjoys playing video games and riding his skateboard. In addition, he was able to participate in the school football program last fall. The structure, interaction with the other boys, and the presence of the coaching staff was an excellent experience for him.

skateboard

Mitchell has diagnoses of Autistic Disorder, ADHD, Anxiety, Sensory Integration Disorder, and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (likely caused by trauma). Cognitively, Mitchell functions close to his age level. However, he often struggles to express emotions effectively and tell you why he is upset. Mitchell has an ongoing psychiatrist and is prescribed medication.

A positive male influence, as well as calm personalities, would benefit Mitchell. He is currently attending afternoon therapy and working on how he perceives others and his interactions with peers and others around him. They have reported he is incredibly respectful and follows through on what is asked of him.

CCR is desperate for more foster parents wanting to help kids like Mitchell. Last month we received 22 teen referrals from counties across Wisconsin. Unfortunately, we did not have a home for any of them. Placing teens in loving homes is getting more and more difficult.

Please visit our how to qualify to become a foster parent page and learn about the requirements you need.

Foster Parents With Little Kids Have Big Challenges

Becoming a foster parent requires serious consideration of the ages of foster children you wish to help. There is a large misconception that teens are horrible and little ones are adorable. That couldn't be farther from the truth in most cases. In the 31 years we have supported foster families; we see a repeated trend. New foster parents think they want to foster little kids but can quickly have a change of heart after actually doing it. Without agency support and a basic understanding of childhood trauma, foster parents can struggle to foster younger children. Let's explore:

Wisconsin foster parents needed to help younger siblings.

Two young brothers were recently referred to us by a county agency hoping to find a suitable foster home. Adam is five years old; he and his 6-year-old brother Aiden desperately need a foster family to meet their higher needs. The boys have been living with their maternal grandmother for five months, but she has expressed that she can no longer care for the boys long-term. She has reported being emotionally and physically exhausted. She hopes the county can find her grandsons a suitable home to handle and address their behaviors, delays, and emotions.

There is no family interaction plan at this time. Mom is not responding to the county worker, and other family members are unable and unwilling to care for the boys.Foster child with worried look on face

Aiden is in kindergarten. Adam is enrolled in a pre-K program. Both boys struggle socially with their peers, and neither is at age level developmentally. Aiden is more independent than Adam and can play alone for short periods. Adam struggles with independent play and craves individual attention. Adam has difficulty expressing himself due to a speech pediment and often expresses his frustration with anger and meltdowns. He is working with a speech therapist as it is difficult to understand some of his words and speech patterns.

Both boys enjoy being with other children but have difficulty reading social cues and respecting personal space. Adam is quick to interact with other children but often isn't included in play due to his assertiveness. His inability to play with boundaries has been a concern of the preschool staff. He is often redirected or given a task to divert him from a situation. He is a very energetic child and enjoys playing outside with Aiden and building with Legos.

Keeping siblings together is a struggle in foster care.

Aiden is a good listener and generally follows directions and expectations. He can play too rough with his brother at times but is sensitive to his brother's needs. He is behind in school but enjoys going. Both boys were drug-affected infants and suffered severe neglect before removal from the home. It is reported that Aiden has some memories of witnessing family violence and drug use.

It is important that the boys be placed together with older children or no other children in the home. Their need for individual attention would be difficult for a single working parent or parents with younger children in the house. A two-parent home is desired, ideally with one parent at home, to meet individual needs and Adams's constant desire for one-on-one interaction. The connection to their maternal grandmother will be essential to maintain. She has requested the boys be allowed to visit with her when possible.

The boys are similar to many other young siblings in foster care. Neglect and domestic violence have traumatic effects on developing minds, leading to behaviors and emotions that don't always make sense to the outside world. That is where trauma-informed parenting tools are essential. A recent post made by a foster mom on a social media feed resembles the needs and history of Aiden and Adam.

Foster mom takes to social media asking for help.

We've had our sibling set for three months now: a four-year-old girl (turning 5 in a month) and a six-year-old boy. Our foster son is in first grade, and we have struggled to find a suitable daycare or pre-k program for our foster daughter. She is needy, wanders, and struggles with attention. She has severe attachment issues. She is NOT like a typical four-year-old. She does NOT play with toys, EVER! She instead follows me around all day, sits on me, touches me, and asks questions I know she knows the answers to. She does things she knows she shouldn't be doing as soon as I turn away for a split second. I am not even a little bit overdramatic here either. My patience is wearing so thin.

I sit with her during breakfast, play with her after breakfast, color together, or work on some Pre-K stuff I've printed from home; I let her sit and snuggle with me for a little bit. I don't know what else to do! I encourage her to be independent, but she doesn't get it. She comes right back to me. I struggle to do dishes, laundry, or other chores. I understand she is little and has been traumatized, but this is hard! Even when big brother is home from school, he goes and plays...she still follows my every move. Please be kind with any advice, I am trying my best, and I do not want to disrupt this placement.

foster mom pulling at her hair frustrated

WOW! This struggling foster mom needs the support of a great agency and continued trauma-informed care training. In addition, her foster daughter would greatly benefit from a CANS evaluation. A tool designed to measure the strengths and needs of a child to get necessary support and therapy services. THIS is why many foster parents ask for kids to be removed from their homes. It is also why many foster parents transition to care for older kids. It is a lot. It is exhausting. It is VERY different than parenting well-adjusted children from stable, structured environments.

Foster parents need 24/7 support.

The fact is, she is not alone. So many foster parents caring for younger children are overwhelmed. Their agency often does not fully support them, and they are not trained in trauma-informed care principles. Fostering kids with trauma is NOT like caring for well-adjusted kids. These kids have a lot going on, and foster parents need to have the skills and tools to help their kids successfully.

There are hundreds of sibling groups like Aiden and Adam in Wisconsin foster care. Like the foster mom above, many foster parents share stories online and ask for much-needed advice and support. At CCR, we receive 40-50 referrals each month from counties across Wisconsin looking for a suitable home for kids like these brothers. If you are interested in fostering, we would love to speak with you. We will educate you, train you, and support you to care for kids with higher levels of trauma. OR, you can jump in and foster older kids if caring for littles isn't the best fit for you.

Foster Parents Save Wisconsin Teen

Wisconsin foster care was all I could remember.

I never thought I would get out of foster care and survive. I couldn't remember not being in foster care. Then I was placed with a CCR foster family, and this happened...

My name is "Julia." I was placed in a CCR foster home when I was 13 years old. I had been in foster care for most of my life. I lived in 8 different foster homes since I was four years old. I was a victim of sexual abuse at a very young age. Fast forward to my teen years, and I was acting out all of the anger that I felt inside. I was lashing out at people, running away, stealing, and experimenting with weed. Even though I knew I could do better if I tried, I continued to struggle in all areas of my life. I was not attending all of my classes and got suspended for bad behavior more than once. I felt like I didn't belong anywhere and that nobody wanted me or cared.teen girl in wisconsin foster care

I tested my foster parents at every turn.

The first six months in my CCR foster home, I continued to struggle and tested my foster parents at every turn, thinking they would eventually have me removed. I was verbally aggressive and defiant, slammed doors, stomped around, complained about everyone and everything. Then, when anyone confronted me about it, I would become highly defensive or shut down.

I eventually began to see that they were not giving up on me. I began to feel like my foster parents were willing to accept me for who I was and give me a chance. When I stopped fighting them, I began to trust both of them. I realized that I could turn my life around if I wanted to. I also realized that I had some positive qualities that would help me make the changes I needed to make. For example, I knew I was smart because I had been on the B honor roll at least once before and wanted to achieve that again.

I made a lot of progress in the foster home by healthily expressing my emotions and began to trust other adults, succeed academically, and participate in typical, healthy teen activities. I also participated in therapy with my foster mom and learned to work through my feelings in healthier ways.

I never thought I would have a family to lean on.

I was with my foster family for four years when they became my legal guardians. After that, I no longer thought of them as my foster parents but more like my real parents. The unconditional love and support that they gave me allowed me to grow and be successful.

After high school graduation, I attended UW-Platteville. I have remained very close to my family and know that they will always be there for me. Sometimes when I look back, I know for sure God put them in my life to save me. I don't like to think about what would have happened to me if I had not met them. I am very grateful for my family.

* Teens need adults who refuse to give up and will accept and love them through trauma—using trauma-informed parenting techniques works! We have helped thousands of youth like Julia heal and grow.  Please get in touch with us and learn the truth about fostering teens. The healing that happens is fantastic.

For more information on qualifying to be a foster parent, spend some more time on our website. There are five simple steps to becoming a foster parent, and we will be happy to get you started.

All identifying information are altered to protect the privacy of children.

Teens in Wisconsin Foster Care - Desperate for Homes

CCR is desperate for new foster parents wishing to help Wisconsin teens. More Teenagers in foster care than ever are at risk of aging out of care with no family or dependable support system. In 2022 we have seen a significant increase in the number of teens referred to CCR. Sadly, it is increasingly challenging to license new foster parents wishing to care for kids over age 12. Although CCR has an exceptional success rate in helping teens in foster care get on a road to healing and success, we don't have enough homes for most of them. 

Not enough homes for 90% of teens in foster care. 

CCR receives nearly 50 referrals each month from counties across Wisconsin. Most of the kids referred to us are teens, and we cannot place almost 90% of them. The lack of teen foster homes is a state-wide crisis that continues to increase. Licensing new foster parents for teens has been a struggle for many years, but the numbers are getting increasingly dismal. Less than 15% of folks contacting CCR are interested in fostering older youth. The stigma remains. The rumors are still out there. Sadly, only a tiny fraction of those licensed want to help teens.

The truth is that most experienced foster parents believe that caring for teens is often more manageable and less stressful than caring for younger children. There are dozens of testimonials here at Community Care Resources of the positive impact one adult can have on an older child. We have single foster parents, married couples, LGBT foster parents, parents in their 30's, and others in their 70's doing fantastic work with teens. 

It doesn't matter who you are, where you come from, or what you might feel your limitations are; you may have precisely what a teen needs to succeed. Foster parents discover that they have an array of skills and life experiences worth sharing with a teen. The growth and healing that can happen before your eyes and the lasting impact you can have on a child's life are like no other experience.

Qualifying to foster teens is easier than one might think.  

CCR foster parents represent the diversity of the state and the diversity of the young people receiving care. There is a variety of race, gender, culture, sexual orientation, and financial status. A diverse pool of available foster families helps us match kids with the people who can best meet their specific needs. To read more about teens needing homes., read our meet our foster kids blog.

Foster parents best suited to fostering teenagers: 

foster parents

The placement process of foster kids is a team effort led by our placement coordinator Brian Sullivan. The team works diligently to create placements that will be successful for both parents and children.

"Fostering a teen is one of the BEST things we have ever done. It was not on our radar, but we took a leap. We are so happy to have two teen sisters in our care! They are thriving, doing well in school, and have made many friends.  We thank God every day for sending them to us! Jodi from Calumet County, Wisconsin

Preparing a teen for independence involves mentoring and coaching.

Helping a teen prepare for being on their own and stabilized for the next phase in their life is an exciting journey. In place of tying shoes, helping with baths and bedtime, and keeping little ones on task, foster parents teach an older child life skills. It involves structure, supervision, and acceptance. When fostering a teen, the focus is on listening, patience, and consistency. Teaching older children to be independent and preparing them for life on their own can bring numerous rewards and big successes. Any of the following should be expected.

Teens in foster care struggle with increasing mental health concerns.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide among kids ages 10-17 increased by over 70% from 2006-2016. During the height of Covid19, teen suicide and mental health concerns rose to an all-time high. In 2021, the American Academy of Pediatrics declared a state of emergency concerning children's and adolescents' mental health. The pressures of social media, lack of in-person relationships, and the absence of parents and adults create toxic outcomes for teens. Complicated and severe trauma histories compound mental health disorders of adolescents in foster care. Foster parents provide the essential positive environments these kids need and crave. 

To foster teens, you must be honest about your relationship skills and willingness to be helpful. We would love to speak with you about the details of fostering teen girls or boys. Please call or email us anytime, we look forward to helping you explore fostering and providing the answers to foster care questions you have.

 

GET YOUR FOSTER LICENSE IN 100 DAYS! Homes for kids 10-18 are desperately needed.