Foster Parents Changed This Teens Life

I went into the Wisconsin foster care system at 14, and I was immediately deemed unplaceable due to my age. I wasn’t much trouble, never used drugs or drank alcohol. I was an A/B student and kept to myself. I did struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts, but given everything I’d been through, that wasn’t surprising.

Most foster parents prefer younger children.

The "system" tried to find me a home, but I spent two years in residential facilities that felt more like juvenile detention than healing environments. I wasn’t the “right age” that most foster families were looking for.

Eventually, Kay and James, a Wisconsin couple with grown children, agreed to meet me. They lived in Northeast Wisconsin. Kay stayed home, and James was nearing retirement. Our meeting went well, and they accepted the placement. I figured it would last a week. I had seen so many teens return to residential care because of failed placements.

But this was different.

They were kind. They were steady. And they showed me, day by day, what a healthy, loving family looks like. I was welcomed and included as a member of their family.

Foster parents can change a teen's path to healing and acceptance.

On the outside, things were going well. I was doing great in school and started to build a circle of friends. But underneath it all, I was still fighting battles no one could see. The weight of my past, especially the pain of being abandoned by my mom, was heavy.

Some days, the thoughts would spiral, and I took things out on Kay. My emotions were erratic, and suicidal thoughts would creep in. I was in therapy, trying to work through it, but there were times when it all just felt like too much.

Through it all, Kay never wavered. She didn’t push or pressure me. She had no expectations except that I be myself. She gave me space when I needed it and support when I reached for it. She showed up, day after day, steady, patient, and unwavering.

Teens in foster care have dreams and goals.

I wouldn't be who I am today without them. Their YES changed the trajectory of my life.

I wanted to be a teacher for as long as I could remember. They helped make my dream come true. James helped me with college applications and financial aid, and I moved me into the dorm the summer after graduation. Kay and I shopped till we dropped for dorm decor. She made sure my side of the dorm room felt like home.

Now I'm 28, an elementary school educator, and married to a wonderful man. They came to our wedding and will be a part of our next chapter. We are expecting in the fall.

I thank God every day that He put us together.

I share my story because I know there are too many teens out there who feel invisible, waiting for someone to believe they're worth the effort. I want to inspire people who may think teens are too much trouble. Kay and James were not perfect, but I didn't need them to be.

I needed them to show up and not give up. They did just that!

*Interested in learning how to become a foster parent with CCR. We would love to speak with you when you're ready!

All identifying information are altered to protect the privacy of children.

Teen Finds His Passion While in Foster Care

If you are considering being a foster parent, you will love this story! A feel-good account of one young man's journey to find his passion. His foster parents encouraged and supported him to try new things and work hard. Every season was a new adventure. They had yet to learn how hard he would work and where it would lead. Nick proves that teens in foster care can heal, grow, and reach their goals!

Teens in foster care must be encouraged to explore activities.

Nick came to our family with his brother in February 2017 as a shy, timid boy. It seemed like he was always waiting for something bad to happen because that was his past; that's what he knew. It took him six months to look people in the eye when talking. When he got used to school, he asked us about sports, and we encouraged them. First, Nick played baseball, and after a couple of fly balls to the head, we decided that he should do something different.

Then came football, but a concussion sidelined him. Wrestling was next, and he liked it and was good. Finally, in 7th grade, he gave Track a try and discovered he had a talent for running. In 8th grade, he also ran Cross Country, won several races, and found his passion!

He continued with Track and Cross Country throughout High School, going to state his Junior year in both. He just missed standing on the podium with an 8th place finish in the mile that year in track and finished 18th at state in CC. During this time, he was still wrestling, winning matches, and having fun. Determined to make it to the podium in CC and Track his Senior Year, Nick put in close to 2,500 miles in the off-season. To say it paid off is an understatement.

Foster care can provide opportunities for self-discovery

Nick won Conference and returned to State in Cross Country, earning a 7th-place finish. Next up, he qualified for the Junior Olympics.

Our family trip to College Station, Texas, to watch him run was amazing! Nick ran a brilliant race and placed 9th out of 93 17-18-year-old athletes from all over the United States.

During Nick's senior Year in Track, he was one of the top runners in the State, winning both Conference and Regionals in the 1600 and 3200-meter runs. At Sectionals, Nick again placed 1st in the 1600 and placed a close 2nd in the 3200. He broke his own school records in each event and holds five individual records at his High School.

Nick signed his letter of intent to run Cross Country and Track at UW Stout next year. Nick is proof that kids can heal. Teens in foster care can reach for their dreams like any other kid. It doesn’t matter where you come from as long as you put your mind to it.

Adopting from foster care has been a gift to my family.

My wife and I adopted Nick and his brother Richie in 2020, making us a family of 9 then. (Now we are 10) I encourage everyone to consider giving a teen in foster care a chance to reach for the stars!

AdoptionStitzer

CCR desperately needs more foster homes for teens. Please don't fear fostering teens; please don't believe fostering little kids will be easier to care for. Remember that challenging behaviors don’t necessarily begin during the teenage years. Many behaviors and emotions build over time, often starting in the early years of development. The good news is healing does happen. Teens like Nick can blossom and offer foster parents many unexpected rewards.

All identifying information are altered to protect the privacy of children.

Teens in Foster Care are Waiting

Another heartbreaking story of a teen in foster care. Meet Emily, a 13-year-old Wisconsin girl needing a new foster home. Her story is familiar; her trauma is prevalent. Yet, her wish for a loving home continues.

More foster parents are needed for teens.

Most Wisconsin foster kids ages 11-18 are placed in group homes or residential facilities. Older kids of the same age range and gender live together in a house with staff and 24/7 supervision. Sadly, these kids would heal best in a family environment. A home with a loving parent or two, possibly with other children, pets, and opportunities for healthy, structured family activities.

Emily lives in a Wisconsin group home, hoping to move to a loving, nurturing family home.

There are hundreds of teens in Wisconsin foster care without a home.

Dozens of teens like Emily are referred to CCR each month. Emily does not have contact with her biological family. She has one brother who lives with an aunt in southern Wisconsin. She also has a half-brother, but his location is unknown. In addition, Emily is a victim of severe neglect and prolonged sexual abuse by more than one individual. As a result, she struggles with not feeling worthy or loved and has difficulty forming healthy relationships.

Youth like Emily can thrive when placed with nurturing foster parents. With the right tools and 24/7 agency support, foster parents can see tremendous growth and healing with their children.

Too many kids in foster care have suffered from unimaginable neglect and abuse.

Kids like Emily come to us with a long list of challenges. Teens with significant trauma often struggle with emotions, behaviors, relationships, and academics. Our goal is to help them heal. CCR foster parents are trained to help kids like Emily who are challenged and burdened with a variety of diagnoses, such as:

Depression
Behavioral difficulties in school
Sexually abused
Cognitive delays
ADD/ADHD
Developmental delays
Emotionally abused
Food/Eating issues
Neglected
Personal care needs
Physically abused
Sleeping issues
Witness violence community or family

Emily is engaging, willingly participates in household chores, likes animals, and loves younger children. Her favorite activity is baking cookies. She says she can't think of negative things when focused on baking. She is not fond of dressing up or polishing nails but prefers using her creativity to draw and paint.

Emily admits she doesn't like school and often does not try her best. She has few friends at school but gets along well with other girls in her group home. Yet, for all, she has been through, she has a positive attitude and wears a smile most of the time.

Less than 20% of kids will be placed in a loving home!

We were disappointed that we could not place Emily in a loving home. Unfortunately, we did not have the right home in the right location to meet her higher needs.

Emily will remain in her current group home until the referring county locates a home for her. On average, CCR receives 40-45 child referrals each month. Unfortunately, less than 20% of kids will be placed in a stable foster home.

We do not have enough foster homes, especially for teenagers like Emily.

Please get in touch with us to learn how you can get started.

How Does Trauma Affect Kids in Wisconsin Foster Care

Children in Wisconsin foster care have experienced at least one traumatic event. Significant loss, abandonment, neglect, and abuse are a few. Our goal is to help Wisconsin foster children heal from childhood trauma while in the care of loving foster parents in a stable home environment. Our foster parents are trained to use trauma-informed care principles to help children on a path to healing.

How does trauma affect kids in foster care?

Trauma is an emotional response to an extreme event or exposure to multiple events. Young and older foster children display various emotions and behaviors not easily understood. Caring for kids with trauma histories requires foster parents to meet additional qualifications to become foster parents. Parenting kids with trauma histories can be challenging, but kids can heal with dependable support services. Traumatic events may include:

Emotional, sexual, and physical abuse
Witnessing family or community violence
Witnessing harm to a loved one or pet
Effects of poverty, including not having enough food to eat
Unpredictable parental behaviors
Witnessing drug use
Exposure to pornography

In addition to the above, entering foster care means being removed from family, friends, and school. Living with strangers and moving from home to home can be very traumatic. CCR provides opportunities for kids to heal while in a CCR foster home beyond what other foster agencies can offer.

Wisconsin foster parents witness a variety of behaviors and emotions.

Trauma can affect children’s behavior in ways that may be confusing or distressing for foster parents. It often impacts the long-term health and well-being of a child. However, foster children can heal and thrive with understanding, care, and proper treatment (when necessary).

School-age children may exhibit:

• Difficulty paying attention
• Attention-seeking or acting out
• Frequent tears or sadness
• Talking often about scary feelings and ideas
• Difficulty transitioning from one activity to the next
• Fighting with peers or adults
• Changes in school performance
• Sexual awareness
• Eating much more or less than peers
• Getting into trouble at home or school
• Frequent headaches or stomachaches with no apparent cause
• Behaviors common to younger children (thumb sucking, bed-wetting, fear of the dark)

Teens in Wisconsin foster care are at high risk of mental health diagnoses.

Our greatest need is foster families wishing to help sibling groups, kids over age eight, and teens. Helping a teen in foster care prepare for adulthood can be very rewarding. Many teens in foster care experience growth and healing simply by living in a loving, family environment. In addition, structure, accountability, and healthy relationships contribute significantly to the healing process.

Teens placed in CCR foster homes may exhibit:

Talking about the trauma constantly or denying that it happened
Refusal to follow the rules or to talk back frequently
Nightmares. Being tired all the time, sleeping much more (or less) than peers
Risky behaviors, fighting
Not wanting to spend time with friends
Using drugs or alcohol
Sexual awareness/activity
Dangerous use of social media/internet
Running away, getting into trouble with the law

CCR kids all have a treatment plan to address trauma histories. Timely, effective cognitive and behavioral health interventions help in the following ways:

Increase a child’s feelings of safety
Teach a child how to manage emotions, particularly when faced with trauma triggers
Help a child develop a positive view of him- or herself
Give a child a greater sense of control over their own life

How to help foster kids with trauma histories.

Identify trauma triggers. It is essential to watch for patterns of behavior and reactions that do not “fit” the situation. What distracts the child, makes them anxious, or results in a tantrum or outburst? Help the child avoid situations that trigger traumatic memories until more healing has occurred.

Be emotionally and physically available. Some traumatized children act in ways that keep adults at a distance (whether they mean to or not). Provide attention, comfort, and encouragement in ways a
a foster child will accept.

Respond, don’t react. Your reactions may trigger a child or youth who is already feeling overwhelmed. When a child is upset, do what you can to keep calm: Lower your voice, acknowledge the child’s feelings, and be reassuring and honest.

Listen well. Don’t avoid complex topics or uncomfortable conversations. (But don’t force children to talk before they are ready.) Taking their reactions seriously reassures them that what happened was not their fault.

Be consistent and predictable. Develop a routine for meals, playtime, schoolwork, and bedtime. Prepare your child in advance for changes or new experiences.

Be patient. Everyone heals differently from trauma, and trust does not develop overnight. Respecting each child’s course of recovery is essential.

Encourage self-esteem. Positive experiences can help foster children recover from trauma and increase resilience.

*Some of the information in this blog was taken from the Child Welfare Information Gateway.