Foster Parents Struggle to Meet Needs of Foster Child
"Anthony" is eight years old and is in foster care in Wisconsin. He has been in 2 foster homes. His mom is incarcerated, and his dad is not active. His older sister visits with him virtually once a week. Anthony's foster care journey is like so many others. Unstable, bouncing from home to home. We share these profiles, hoping kind-hearted people like you can better understand trauma and what kids in foster care need from foster parents to heal.
Vulnerable children need Wisconsin foster parents to commit.
Previous foster families said his behaviors were too much. They needed more support than their foster agencies could provide, and both families expressed Anthony's need for therapy services. Although both families shared many beautiful qualities, they could not give the boy what he needed. It should also be mentioned that both foster families worked full-time hours with little to no flexibility to meet Anthony's needs. Neither was receiving the necessary support to succeed.
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Foster parents need a foster agency that provides exceptional support.
Foster parents cannot do this work alone; children like Anthony need more than a loving family. They require more than basic parenting skills to heal from trauma. Foster parents must know how to care for kids with trauma histories. Proper training is essential. County agencies that refer kids to CCR trust we have the resources, training, support services, and staff to help kids like Anthony while supporting the families providing care.
CCR staff and families treat trauma. We help kids heal. Right now, we don't have enough foster homes.
Anthony has many beautiful qualities and characteristics. He also has numerous challenges that require more structure, consistency, and patience from foster parents.
He sleeps well, enjoys a variety of foods, and can be a charmer when not in fight-or-flight mode. He loves to play video games and enjoys playing in the bathtub. He likes to be helpful with simple meal prep and prefers to be in the company of adults. He misses his mother and asks about her frequently. He can visit with her virtually every week.
Foster children have wants and needs from foster parents.
Former foster parents reported that Anthony does okay in school for the most part. However, both expressed concerns with social skills, listening, and creating disturbances but agreed that he is interested in learning. He continues to make progress with early reading and struggles with math concepts. He is not at grade level in any subject.
Anthony is a bright, intelligent, and funny boy. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, and PTSD. He often struggles with accepting directives and consequences. He continues to work on de-escalation and coping skills when triggered. He has shown progress in many areas.
Anthony reports wanting a family that won't yell and has too many rules. "I like video games, hugs, spy stuff, and chocolate." He especially likes ramen noodles and slushies and dislikes vegetables, smelly smoke, and mean people.
Anthony needs reminders to wait his turn and give others space. He often struggles when others get more attention than he does, which causes him to act out to gain attention. Providing structure, routines, and house rules will be beneficial for Anthony.
CCR foster parents are prepared and supported to care for kids like Anthony.
Bouncing from foster home to foster home compounds a child's trauma. It isn't easy to heal and grow when moving between homes. CCR prepares foster parents to care for kids with trauma and heightened behaviors, and we provide many essential tools and resources to help kids like Anthony succeed. One of the many ways we support our families is by meeting with them weekly in their homes.
We ensure that services, therapies, and 24/7 support are in place.
We need loving homes with flexible schedules for kids like Anthony. A parent must be available for 2-3 weekly appointments and unplanned interruptions. Having a plan when kids are not in school is also essential.
Sadly, we did not have the right foster home in the right location for Anthony. In cases like this, the referring county is left scrambling to find a foster home.
Please contact us if you would like to learn more about becoming a foster parent with CCR.
Large Sibling Groups Struggle to Find Foster Parents
The number of sibling groups being referred to CCR continues to rise. Young siblings are entering Wisconsin foster care at alarming rates, primarily due to severe neglect. Sibling pairs and large groups are regularly placed in CCR foster homes in counties across Wisconsin. Most CCR foster families care for siblings or more than one child at a time. When their homes are full, we have no choice but to turn away referrals like a recent sibling group of three. Meet Martia, Jaylan, and Miya, siblings recently referred to CCR in hopes of finding a foster home to meet their elevated needs.
Sibling groups in foster care require more than bedroom space.
Wisconsinites familiar with CCR know that our qualifications to become foster parents focus heavily on flexible schedules. In other words, we need foster parents who can attend multiple weekly appointments and be available to kids when needed most, including after-school and summer breaks. Siblings like Martia, Jaylan, and Miya have trauma histories, require school support, and typically need additional outside services. Without day-to-day flexibility, caring for them and managing schedules would be difficult.
Martia recently celebrated her birthday. She is four years old and doing well in many areas, considering the neglectful circumstances she came from. Although she is not speaking as fluid as most children her age, she can express herself appropriately and tries her best to communicate effectively. She is a curious little girl who loves to please. She follows and mimics her older sister, Miya, who has been her mother figure for many years. Her attachment to Miya is not unusual with sibling groups when parents or caregivers have not been present or active in the home.
Martia sleeps well and has a healthy appetite. Although potty trained, she has accidents and wears a pull-up at night for occasional bed-wetting. It is reported that she will have tantrums lasting up to 30 minutes. Martia would benefit from socialization with other young children.
Keeping siblings together in foster care can be challenging.
11-year-old Jaylan is a typical boy in many ways. He loves video games and wants to buy a skateboard. He can be wise for his years and is very protective of his sisters. He has good insight and understands the needs of his sisters more than he should. Jaylan needs reminders to be a child, not a caretaker for his sisters. It causes much stress for him. He does not make friends easily and is working on being more social with his peers.
Jaylan spends much time alone, suffers from low self-esteem, and has been diagnosed with depression. He is reported to have problems with anger and tends to keep to himself. He has witnessed significant violence in his family and has been present during drug use and threatening situations. Although he is good at keeping himself occupied independently, he would do well in a family environment, offering healthy family group activities.
Jaylan is in therapy and a mentoring program at this time. He is in the 6th grade and performs satisfactory work at school. He struggles to complete homework and does not participate in class. He reads and writes below grade level, and math is increasingly difficult. Jaylan does not have any educational needs.
Foster children who have been neglected can have an array of regressive issues.
Miya is nine years old and described as creative and empathetic. Her brother describes her as the peacekeeper of the family. She is quiet and slow to open up, but her kindness is evident when she does. She tends to Martia's wants and needs and often puts her own needs aside.
Animals, music, and art are Miya's favorite things. She loves cats and hopes to have one someday. Miya does not like loud noises or being punished. She has witnessed family violence and gets frightened by yelling and loud voices. It is reported that Miya suffers from regressive issues, including bed-wetting (she wears Pull-Ups), using a teddy bear to comfort herself, and hiding her face when nervous or afraid. She worries about her younger sister and does not trust that caregivers will meet her needs.
Miya does not have any educational needs. She is currently enrolled in individual therapy.
We did not have a foster home for this sibling group.
Sadly, we did not have a foster home in the right location to accommodate all three kids so the referral was passed back to the county. We are truly desperate for more homes in every county location we serve. On average, we receive 45 monthly referrals from counties across the state. We have homes for less than 15% of the children.
All identifying information are altered to protect the privacy of children.
Can Foster Parents Choose the Age of Foster Kids?
Choosing the age of the children you wish to foster is one of many considerations to becoming a foster parent in Wisconsin. Most important is how a foster child will fit into your family. Although foster parents cannot pick specific children to care for, they can have an age preference.
Foster parents can choose the age and gender of a child.
One of the first questions we ask prospective CCR foster parents is: Do you have an age range in mind? No right or wrong answer exists, but it is a great place to start our initial conversation. Knowing what age group interests you allows us to help you explore fostering and how it will fit with your family. Keep in mind the dynamics of your household, space, schedules, and whether other children are living in your home.
The greater your age range preference, the more opportunities for placing children in your home. It may be helpful to break down your preferences into the following groups.
Birth - 5 Years
Elementary School
CCR is committed to finding the best home for each child and sibling group where healing can happen. Many factors go into deciding where a child will be placed. Our goal is to create successful outcomes for both foster parents and kids.
How are children placed in a foster home?
When a child or sibling group is referred to CCR, our team reviews available families for the best possible home. Considerations may include:
When a referral is a potential match for your home, Brian, our placement supervisor, calls to share what he knows about the children, including the history of abuse/neglect, behaviors, emotional health, and any previous foster home placements. A pre-placement visit allows the foster family to meet the children before committing to a placement. Typically, the kids will spend an overnight or weekend with the family and determine if they wish to care long-term for the children. A typical placement will last 12-24 months. If the family declines the placement, the search continues to find a suitable home where healing can happen.
A desire to foster younger kids may include sibling groups and older kids.
Below is a recent post from a foster parent support group on Facebook. The frustration is accurate; waiting can be difficult. Her question received many comments from foster parents across the country that are worth considering if you want to foster little kiddos.
"Hoping you can help me out. We've been getting lots of calls for kids over age eight. The age group we prefer is newborn to age 6. I feel awful turning them down, but I'm just nervous about that age group. Should we stick with our preferred range or consider raising our age range? What have you done? Thanks"
We’ve had a couple of placements, both older than what we thought we wanted. The first one was seven, but he was more like a four-year-old in reality. It was non-stop and very challenging. We have a 12-year-old now, and although she has teenage feelings, she’s academically a fourth-grader and emotionally behind. She has a lot of childhood trauma. I never saw my family taking an older child but she is a great fit for our family. It might be wise to consider development and history instead of age.
We said eight and under, and we don't have room for siblings. We got one call in the first four months! It was for a six-year-old, and it fell through. We finally said we would go older; we have a 10-year-old boy now. He came with a lot of issues, but he is doing better every day he is with us. I’m so glad we said yes.
We currently have two sisters, ages 4 and 6, and they are great, but a 13-year-old girl we had with us last year was such a fantastic kid. Teens, in general, made me nervous before her. Maybe she was an exception, but she fit so well with us.
We got a nine-year-old, and it was hard initially to get used to because our only bio is a four-year-old. We are five months in, and I love this girl so much. It looks like they may be terminating rights, so she may be here to stay!
We originally wanted 0-6, but we did respite for an 11-year-old girl, and she was the easiest of the five kids we have had since getting licensed. The littles are fun but have lots of trauma. Do what you think is best for your family.
When we got our foster care license, we said eight and under because we have an 8 and 5 yr old. They called us for a 10-year-old boy, asking if we could be open-minded (they were trying to get him back to Wisconsin). Four months later, he is still with us and thriving!!
My husband and I wanted foster kids under the age of four. The agency warned us we would be waiting. We waited so long and have not gotten any calls for that age. We finally got a call for a 9-year-old girl, she was here for 9 months. Now we have a 15-year-old girl and she has been a challenge but she is thriving here. Our 6-year old bio son loves her to pieces.
I got a teenager when my two kids were under five years old, and as awkward as it was at first, it was great! I will happily take a teenager again.
I wanted kids under age 10 because my kids are 6 and 9. After waiting for five months, I finally accepted my first full-time placement. She’s a 14-year-old. I was so nervous!! But I love her. She can be difficult, but we work through it. I am glad I opened up my age range, or I would have missed knowing her.
Our age group was 3-10 (no diapers), and I thought I could never do older, but after having a few foster kids in elementary school (high maintenance), we said yes to a 15-year-old, and let me tell you, she is a fantastic kid. Yes, there is drama but she is so much fun and loving. The younger ones were exhausting!
My 4-year-old foster son is giving me a run for my money but he was worth waiting for 3 months to get the call. If that's the age range you really want. Be patient. .
Foster parents change their minds a lot!
Changing your mind as you travel through your foster parenting journey is okay. Sticking to your original thoughts is also OK, but that may mean being patient for a placement. The common theme in the comments to the woman's post was that all of the foster parents adjusted their age range. They all opened their hearts to something other than what they originally planned. Most expressed how they would have missed out if they had not changed their minds.
Hundreds of kids need homes.
No matter your age preference, hundreds of Wisconsin kids are waiting for a home. CCR receives approximately 60 referrals each month from counties across Wisconsin. We will always need more homes for all the kids. Please consider helping older kids. Our new foster parent advisor, Jane, has personal fostering experience and would love to talk with you, whatever your preference is. Contact us anytime!
GET YOUR FOSTER LICENSE IN 100 DAYS! Homes for kids 10-18 are desperately needed.
