Siblings in Foster Care Hope to Stay Together

One of our greatest needs is to license more Wisconsin foster parents to care for sibling groups. We continue to receive referrals from counties across Wisconsin, and more often than not, we do not have foster homes available in the right location to meet the needs of the children. Fostering siblings requires great flexibility and the ability to meet younger kids where they are while getting on a path toward healing. Meet Benjamin, Adam, and Thomas, three little brothers desperate for a foster home to keep them together and handle their elevated needs.

Siblings in foster care need structure, stability, and flexibility.

This sibling group of three brothers is currently placed with their maternal aunt. She cannot maintain the children in her care due to their aggressive behaviors, level of trauma, and lack of structure and routine. The aunt has no parental experience and limited resources. She is only 24 years old. Her primary support person is her 19-year-old live-in boyfriend. The sibling group had resided with the aunt for three months, before that, they lived with their maternal grandmother, their legal guardian.

The maternal grandmother’s recent homelessness and mental and physical health ailments left the boys needing placement and CPS intervention. Thus, the aunt was located and agreed to care for the boys.

Boy 1

Benjamin is the oldest child. He is a wise 9-year-old. However, he has expressed that he does not always feel safe at his aunt’s home. As a result, he has asked to live with respite providers instead of his maternal aunt. Likewise, 6-year-old Thomas also expresses his desire to live elsewhere.

The Department has received two CPS reports alleging physical abuse of the children since their placement in the aunt’s home. The most recent report came in over a weekend after the weekend respite provider found large bruises on Thomas' back.

All three boys were interviewed by CPS and expressed their safety concerns regarding their aunt. The boys are not returning at this time as an investigation is in pursuit, and the aunt has verbalized an inability to maintain the three boys. It is unknown what the investigation will uncover.

Foster parents caring for siblings must be resilient.

Benjamin is believed to be the most delayed or behind socially and academically. When compared to his younger brothers. The middle brother, Adam, is eight years old and has been an open book about his feelings and things going on in the home. Adam struggles with the most aggressive behaviors historically (he was kicked out of daycare at a young age), but his involvement with CCS (Comprehensive Community Services) over the past year has shown that he has been able to calm himself, take direction, and have less aggressive behaviors.

When initially placed with the aunt, it is reported that Thomas displayed aggression towards his youngest sibling, Danny, who has been placed with his maternal aunt since birth. Danny is 18 months old (not included in the sibling group of 3 needing placement). Thomas does not show this aggressive behavior while in the care of the regular respite provider. It is believed that Thomas may have been aggressive towards Danny because while in his aunt’s home, Danny is the “baby,” In contrast, Thomas is used to being “the baby” of the family while previously raised by his maternal grandmother.

Thomas has flourished while in respite care with the structure and attention he is provided.

Kids in foster care need to feel safe.

The Department is not looking for placement of Danny as the maternal aunt can adequately provide care for him independently of his three older siblings. The aunt describes that the boys are angry. She feels they are angry because living with their maternal grandmother was not healthy or safe emotionally. However, each boy does great one-on-one and when receiving positive attention and parenting. She reports that the boys would do best if they could remain together. The aunt would like to remain involved as an auntie to the boys but cannot remain a full-time caregiver for all four siblings.

Griese boy

All three boys are participating in individual therapy. Benjamin and Thomas also have an IEP. All support services would continue in a new foster home.

The boys just transitioned to a new school in January as the aunt could not transport the boys over 30 miles to the school near the grandmother's previous home. Moving to another new school will be difficult, but the transition may go well if structure and stability are present in a new home.

None of the boys are on medication at this time. There are no known health concerns. The aunt would like to set up regular visits with the boys so they can see their baby brother.

Kids are referred to CCR every day. We need your help.

CCR receives 45-50 referrals each month for kids like Benjamin, Adam, and Thomas. Unfortunately, we do not have enough foster homes. We must have the right home in the right location. If there are biological visits with the family, the foster home must be relatively close to the family to ensure smooth transportation to visits. We want to match children with the best foster family where healing can happen.
We did not have a match for the brothers, so the referring county continued its search. We want to license more families with the ability and desire to foster sibling groups. If you want to learn more or get answers to your fostering questions, please visit more pages on our website or contact us. We are happy to speak with you.

*This blog series highlights actual referrals received. Names are changed to protect privacy.

New Foster Parents Found for Sibling Group

So many foster parents in counties across Wisconsin are caring for sibling groups. More than 70% of foster children at CCR are in care with at least one sibling. We recently received a referral for a sibling group of three. After spending four weeks in a county foster home, their foster parents gave notice for removal stating the siblings were more than they could manage. After careful exploration and consideration, we placed all three children in a loving, flexible foster home that could meet their higher needs. Here is a bit of their history.

Foster parents need more training and support.

Dominick will be four years old in February. He and his two sisters suffer from prolonged neglect. As a result, each has heightened behaviors and emotions that prove too much for Basic Level Foster Parents. Not because the foster parents didn't have big hearts or best intentions but rather because they were not equipped with the necessary training or support. To successfully care for children with severe trauma, foster parents need more. Likewise, to heal and grow, foster kids need more.

Caring for three kids under age 6 with heightened behaviors is challenging, even for the most seasoned foster parents. Trauma-informed parenting is essential to helping kids heal and promoting successful outcomes. Unfortunately, even the best foster parents can struggle to manage the behaviors and emotions of young children without the necessary training and support services.

The challenge is TRAUMA. In Dominick's case, more than basic parenting skills and minimal support from an agency was needed.

Why must foster parents meet flexibility requirements?

Dominick and his sisters, Mariah, 2, and Marissa, 6, without a doubt, needed foster parents who would utilize trauma-informed parenting skills while readily available to meet their higher needs. In addition, a successful foster home would require a parent available at all times, as daycare was unsuccessful in the previous placement.

He and his sisters were removed from the home after Mariah suffered significant burns on her stomach and chest from the kitchen oven. Mom was home when the incident occurred. She has a history of drug and alcohol abuse and has an on-again, off-again relationship with Mariah's father. Her parental rights have been terminated for six older children.

At nearly four, Dominick is not potty trained, is speech delayed, and struggles with anger, heightened emotions, and behaviors. In addition, he struggles to play or interact appropriately with his sisters,

Dominick went to daycare with Mariah 3 days a week. However, the two were separated due to Dominick's aggressive behavior toward his sister. The staff contacted the foster mom several times concerning his behavior and reported that most days were spent redirecting or separating Dominick from other children.

Trauma is present in what may appear to be normal sibling rivalry.

The previous foster mom reported that Dominick has difficulty sleeping at night and wakes others in the house with screaming and wall kicking. In addition, he and his older sister fight for attention constantly. Hitting, kicking, biting, and pushing were common occurrences, and increased supervision was required when the children were in the same room.

He communicates his needs and wants somewhat effectively and figures out quickly how things work. He requires direct, line-of-sight supervision and 1:1 attention, which he does well with. He can count to 5 and knows some of his colors. He is easily triggered when he does not get the attention he seeks. On the other hand, he can be a very sweet, affectionate boy.

It was recommended that Dominick be placed in a new foster home without pets as he had taken his frustrations out on the family dog several times, but he was never hurt. In addition, it was noted that Dominick must be separated from his sisters when dressing due to the use of inappropriate language in the presence of his sisters.

Attention-seeking behaviors are commonplace.

Dominick loves music, which helps keep him focused and calm during diaper changes, teeth brushing, and bathing. He loves putting on his shoes and rides very well in his car seat, if not within reach of Marissa. He washes his hands well and will often help clear his place after meals. He does well with positive affirmations and loves a loud "great job." However, he is easily upset if his sisters get positive attention and will push Mariah or throw toys or objects at both girls.

The previous foster mom stated the kids could grow and heal if they are in the right environment and get needed services. However, a 30-day notice was given by the family because the three kids together were too much to handle. The foster mom worked three days a week, and her husband worked Monday-Friday, often returning home at 6 pm. Along with their biological children, 9 and 12, managing everybody was more than they anticipated.

Kids in foster care can thrive if given the necessary services and support.

There has been a noticeable change in the siblings in the six weeks spent in their current CCR foster home. Most notably, Dominick responds very well to being at home with their foster mom vs. going to daycare. The 1:1 attention and heightened supervision needed made it difficult for him to succeed at daycare. It is not uncommon for kids with significant trauma to struggle in a daycare environment.

Mealtime continues to be a struggle, particularly for Marissa and Dominick, but the kids are trying more foods and learning about healthy eating. Bedtime and bath routines are very lengthy but overall successful. Meltdowns are still common with Mariah and Dominick but using Trauma-Informed parenting tools helps, as well as the 24/7 support of their Clinical Case Manager.

All three children visit with their mom once per week. Mariah also visits with her father. In addition, the assigned CCR Clinical Case Manager visits the home each week for approximately 2.5 hours. Weekly support visits are provided to all CCR foster families.

"There is a lot of history there that needs to be unpacked and explored." noted their previous foster mom. "Dominick's violent tendencies can be frightening, but at the same time, he is a loveable little boy."

This sibling group is the second placement for the CCR foster family. They do not have other children living at home or pets, which seems helpful to all three kids. The foster mom works part-time, two evenings each week, and her husband works full-time days, arriving home by 4:30. They are supported by friends and local family and are taking things one day at a time with the kids. Both are hopeful that all three kids will continue to thrive in their home.

Understanding trauma and using trauma-informed parenting are crucial to helping kids heal. Therefore, all CCR foster parents are trained to use trauma-informed tools and receive great support from our highly trained staff. As a result, kids like Dominick and his sisters can heal with proper treatment. Together, our staff and foster parents have witnessed hundreds of kids with significant trauma heal and grow in our 33 years of providing treatment foster care.