Foster Mom of 5 Siblings Loves Being a Foster Parent

I have always wanted to be a foster parent for sibling groups.

My name is Heather; I am a stay-at-home Wisconsin foster parent and cannot express enough how amazing CCR has been for my family and me. When I first looked into how to become a foster parent, I reached out to a local private agency and my county foster care agency. It took many phone calls and several weeks to get return calls or an information packet in the mail. I was frustrated already and had barely begun. I found CCR online while doing more research and made the call. They answered immediately and talked with me for nearly an hour! My husband and I were licensed a couple of months later. That is quick!

We received placement of a large sibling group 11 days after licensing. Very quick! We instantly went from a family of 4 (soon to be 5) to a family of 9 (soon to be 10). Yes, I was pregnant, had two kids of my own, and said yes to fostering a large sibling group. Our dream! We are thrilled and blessed to foster these five precious kids. Here is a quick story of how we got to be a family of 10.

Heather Doherty

All foster parents deserve 24/7 support and transparent communication.

We chose CCR for MANY reasons. Just the first phone call alone, I could tell how much they genuinely care about the children that have to go through this challenging process. They have a fantastic training course with so many members to help you and answer any questions along the way. Unlike most agencies, with CCR, you will ALWAYS be able to get ahold of someone to talk to about anything that comes up at any time of day or night.
My husband and I wanted to foster sibling groups to help them stay together. These children often find themselves at CCR because it is hard to find homes to take all the children together. I admit I thought it was a little invasive, knowing we would have a case manager in our house every week. But oh my goodness, it’s AMAZING. I love my case manager Wanda! At least for the first month, that poor lady was getting phone calls from me daily! Sometimes a few a day! She answered and talked me through all my questions and concerns or even vented about what’s happening with my bio children!

There are so many siblings in foster care.

We wish we could live in a world where foster parents weren’t needed, and kids were safe at home. Unfortunately, that’s not the case, and more and more kids are being removed daily. Neglect, all forms of abuse, death in the family, or even the parents just needing a little help to get back on their feet. I look at my foster children every day, and my heart hurts knowing that there are kids out there falling through the cracks or hiding their pain from what’s happening at home, so nobody knows.
Even the thought that maybe without my husband and I, they would be separated and in different homes away from each other makes my heart hurt. All five kids have been a blessing to our family.
I’m so blessed to be a part of the CCR family and am so thankful for the kiddos in my home. Watching them and guiding them to overcome their trauma and hardships can be challenging at times but amazingly worth it.
Please consider fostering. Don’t think you have the room? Call and ask. Don’t think you have the time? Call and ask. Don’t think you have the financial means? Call and ask. If you have the heart to do it and the patience, I promise you it’s worth it.
Some so many kids need a home. One loving home could change their life completely.
If you have any questions, please reach out to CCR or even ask to talk with me. I am willing to help in any way I can.
Sincerely,
Heather, proud CCR foster mom of 8.

Best Books About Foster Care

What are the best books about foster care?

If you are exploring how to become a foster parent, you have many questions. Sometimes talking with us is all a prospective foster parent needs. For others, a good book might do the trick. So, what are the best books to read about foster parenting? We have compiled a list of some of our favorites and some of the most recommended by our CCR foster parents in Wisconsin.

Top books every foster parent needs to read.

The recommended books are in no particular order and are just a small selection of great books available about fostering. Each book listed addresses different struggles, strategies, practices, reflections, personal experiences, and approaches. We hope that you will take the time to explore all of the books about foster care and foster parenting. Each title links Amazon for ease of purchasing the book if you wish.

The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind: by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

A revolutionary approach to child rearing with twelve key strategies that foster healthy brain development, leading to calmer, happier children. The authors explain how a child’s brain is wired and how it matures. The “upstairs brain,” which makes decisions and balances emotions, is under construction until the mid-twenties. The right brain and emotions tend to rule over the left brain's logic, especially with younger kids. By applying these discoveries to every kind of parenting, you can turn any outburst, argument, or fear into a chance to integrate your child’s brain and foster vital growth.

Complete with age-appropriate strategies for dealing with day-to-day struggles and illustrations that will help you explain these concepts to a child, The Whole-Brain Child teaches how to cultivate healthy emotional and intellectual development to lead balanced and connected lives. Kids will learn to build stronger relationships and succeed in school.

The whole brain child

If you want to understand the emotion-filled actions your child is displaying, then this book may be for you.

Welcome to the Roller Coaster: by D.D. Foster

Written by fourteen foster moms who have fostered a combined total of over one hundred thirty-five children. They have come together to share their personal stories to provide a glimpse into the real world of foster care and the kids in foster care they cared for. Though many of their journeys have been difficult, these ladies will inspire you with their stories of love, loss, and healing.

roller coaster

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma: by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.

Trauma is a fact of life. Veterans deal with the painful aftermath of combat; one in five Americans has been sexually assaulted; one in four had an alcoholic parent; one in three couples have engaged in physical violence. Dr. van der Kolk, one of the world’s foremost experts on trauma, has spent three decades working with survivors.

In The Body Keeps the Score, he uses scientific advances to show how trauma reshapes both body and brain. He explores innovative treatments—from neurofeedback and meditation to sports, drama, and yoga—that offer new paths to recovery by activating the brain’s natural neuroplasticity. The Body Keeps the Score exposes the tremendous power of our relationships to hurt and heal and offers new hope for reclaiming lives.

* Trauma informed care is a huge part of our foster parent training. Foster parents must have the tools and training to parent kids from difficult places with trauma histories.

Body keeps the score

Reframing Foster Care: by Jason Johnson

If you are looking for a religious reframing of the conversation, this is an excellent book to explore. Jason does a beautiful job of presenting thoughtfully-written reflections on foster parenting. His book reminds many of us why we took on the challenge to become a foster parents in the first place.

Foster parents face unique circumstances and experience many emotions that few can relate to. Their journey is one of equal parts beauty and brokenness, joy and heartache, excitement and exhaustion. There is no textbook on being a foster parent, no formula, or no simple three-step guide. But there is hope—in God’s capacity to bring great beauty out of tragic brokenness. This is the gospel—the lens through which you can filter your foster parenting journey and ultimately find the strength, motivation, and courage you need to be sustained along the way.

Reframing Foster Care

ReFraming Foster Care is a collection of reflections on the foster parenting journey designed to help you do just that—find hope—and to remind you that your work is worth it and you are not alone.

Another Place at the Table: by Kathy Harrison

The startling and ultimately uplifting narrative of one woman's thirteen-year experience as a foster parent. Another Place at the Table is the story of life at our social services' front lines, centered on three children who nearly destroy it when they come together in Harrison's home. It is the frank first-person story of a woman whose compassionate best intentions for a child are sometimes all that stand between violence and redemption.

Another place at the table

Orphan Train: by Christina Baker Kline

The United States has not always had a foster care system. Between 1854 and 1929, so-called orphan trains regularly ran from the cities of the East Coast to the farmlands of the Midwest, carrying thousands of abandoned children whose fates would be determined by pure luck. Would a kind and loving family adopt them, or would they face a childhood and adolescence of hard labor and servitude? As a young Irish immigrant, Vivian Daly was one such child, sent by rail from New York City to an uncertain future a world away. Returning east later in life, Vivian leads a quiet, peaceful existence on the coast of Maine; the memories of her upbringing rendered a hazy blur. But in her attic, hidden in trunks, are vestiges of a turbulent past.

Orphan Train

Seventeen-year-old Molly Ayer knows that a community service position helping an older woman clean out her home is the only thing keeping her out of the juvenile hall. But as Molly helps Vivian sort through her keepsakes and possessions, she discovers that she and Vivian aren't as different as they appear. A Penobscot Indian who has spent her youth in and out of foster homes, Molly is also an outsider being raised by strangers, and she, too, has unanswered questions about the past.

More To Me:  by Saty Cornelius

More to Me tells is not just a reflection of one story, but many. For as long as Bri can remember, it’s been the same thing: taking care of her siblings throughout her mom’s many hangovers, breakups, and abusive habits. After fourteen years of this family dysfunction, she and her younger three siblings end up in foster care, where she battles with depression and loneliness. These very things caused her mother to slip deeply into her alcohol addictions years ago. Bri fights with every ounce of strength she can muster, but it doesn’t matter – her family still falls apart, and she is left broken and alone. As she drifts through the unfairness of a shattered heart, Bri meets one unexpected last chance at hope. Cautious and skeptical, she slowly realizes the truth about her past.

More to me

The subject can be heavy, but it discusses topics relevant to anyone, not just families in foster care. The book’s overarching themes include trust, depression, and heartbreak. But underlying all of it is hope.

By Josh Shipp

In 2015, Harvard researchers found that every child who does well in the face of adversity has had at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive adult. But Josh Shipp didn’t need Harvard to know that. Once an at-risk foster kid, he was headed straight for trouble until he met the man who changed his life: Rodney, the foster parent who refused to quit on Shipp and got him to believe in himself.

Now, in The Grown-Up’s Guide to Teenage Humans, Shipp shows all of us how to be that caring adult in a teenager’s life. Stressing the need for compassion, trust, and encouragement, he breaks down the phases of a teenage human from sixth to twelfth grade, examining teenagers' changes, goals, and mentality at each stage.

Grown up guide

Shipp offers revelatory stories that take us inside the teen brain and shares wisdom from top professionals and the most expert grown-ups.

We hope that this list will give you some good reading options as you explore foster care or continue on your fostering journey. 

As always, please get in touch with us with any questions you may have about becoming a foster parent.

 

 

How Will Fostering Affect My Kids?

It is a popular question many prospective foster parents ask. If you want to become a foster parent there are many things to consider before beginning the process to get a foster care license. In particular, how will your family handle the challenges, changes, and rewards? We can answer nearly all your foster care questions with certainty and clarity, however, there are some questions that need to be explored more deeply and explored on an individual basis. There are so many variables to consider when exploring how your kids will be affected, it can often be difficult to provide a straight answer. The quick and honest answer is:

Yes, your children will be impacted if you become a foster parent, in great ways!

Being a foster parent can be challenging and rewarding. Fostering treatment level kids can be more challenging and more rewarding! Foster kids come into your family with a large amount of emotional baggage that you didn't have anything to do with creating. Due to significant trauma, they will have behaviors and express their emotions in ways that you have probably never dealt with before within your own family. Fostering can sometimes feel like riding a roller coaster, with flips and turns and an occasional upside-down twist. Every day is a different day in the world of fostering and one step forward often means two steps backward. If you have kids of your own, you must recognize that you will all be learning as you go. Fostering in the best of circumstances will be very different than caring for your own children. Bringing children into your family temporarily can be disrupting and it will most certainly bring challenges to an existing family unit. On the flip side, welcoming foster children into your family will offer you and your own children some wonderful, unique experiences that the majority of families and kids will never enjoy or benefit from.

Things to expect when children enter your family

Your own children's ability to adapt to foster kids and their behaviors will amaze you.

Before you exit this page out of overwhelming fear, let us be clear. You may experience one of the above behaviors. You may experience four of the above. You may experience none of the above behaviors. Here is where answering your original question of how fostering will affect your own kids gets murky. It is difficult to say because every single foster child is different and every one of your own children is different. Much of how your kids react will be dependent on how you react. Your ability to parent with patience, use a calming voice, listen, remain consistent, be flexible, and care for each child individually and as part of the family unit will set the tone in the home. The good news is, the required foster parent training classes you attend will give you a multitude of tools to use. In addition, a clinical case manager will visit with you in your home weekly to provide foster parent support services to you, your children and your foster children.

"It broke my heart when I realized they never really had a routine before. They didn't know why my kids were sitting at the table ready for dinner or why they brushed their teeth before bed, did homework, or why the kids went to bed before the parents. They had no concept of a schedule."  adapt to foster kids

Allow your own children to adjust at their own pace

Kids will feel the impact in a variety of ways both good and bad. Welcoming a new child or sibling group into the home can be very exciting, the first few days in particular. Giving your children the freedom to feel and adjust to their own speed will benefit everyone in the family. They may need time or they may act like nothing is different at all. The majority of parents are shocked at how resilient their own kids are and how easily they adapt. Hopefully, if you are considering becoming a foster family, you have had honest discussions with your children about what might be expected. You know your kids better than anyone, their strengths and weaknesses, their abilities and what is in their heart. Be sure they know you can be trusted if they want to talk or share their feelings. We hear many stories about how amazing and welcoming kids are to their foster siblings. Kids stepping up and offering help and support is common.

"I literally cried when I saw my 14 year old son sitting in the hall teaching our foster daughter how to tie her shoes. He didn't question how she couldn't possibly know how to tie her own shoes at age 9. He just made the rabbit ears and helped her."

Your own children will have to make many adjustments no matter their ages. Some adjustments will be more difficult than others but in time, new routines will be natural.

One of the most common things foster parents tell us is that their kids don't like being in between placements, or without foster kids in the home. Most kids will ask when another foster child or sibling group is coming and many older kids will miss the chaos of the younger kids and find they enjoyed a busy house full of craziness.

You will know in your gut if fostering is right for your kids and in the end, you will know when it's time to stop fostering

Trusting yourself is paramount! You can ask friends and family for their thoughts and opinions but you will come to realize that not everyone will think becoming a foster parent is a good idea for your own children. They may question your desire or motivation and ask "what about your own kids?". There are others in your life that will support you wholeheartedly and walk with you on your journey. The staff at CCR will tell you to trust your gut and consider your own child's personality, health, social life, school struggles or success, and many other personal things only you know. In the end,

The overwhelming majority of foster parents will tell you that fostering is the best thing they ever did for their kids!

Being a foster sibling will teach your children lessons and open their hearts in ways unimaginable. Just as it will your own. Learn how to qualify to be a foster parent with us.

Contact us today, we will have an honest discussion with you. 800-799-0450

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fostering treatment level kids requires

GET YOUR FOSTER LICENSE IN 100 DAYS! Homes for kids 10-18 are desperately needed.