What Wisconsin Foster Parents Should Expect

Why Parenting Foster Children Is Different – And Why That Matters

If you’re considering becoming a Wisconsin foster parent, you might imagine that parenting a foster child is much like parenting any other child, just with a bit more patience and lots of compassion. That's partly true. But it's critical to understand the many differences and how foster parenting often requires an entirely different mindset.

It isn’t just about providing a loving home; it’s about helping a child heal.

Wisconsin Foster Kids Have a Different Starting Point

Children in care with CCR have experienced early trauma, severe neglect, and/or abuse. They haven't had consistent, attuned caregiving that builds a child’s sense of safety, trust, and self-worth.

As a result, foster children often present as younger than their age, especially emotionally. For instance, a ten-year-old may seem like a six-year-old in terms of emotional regulation, or a teen may struggle with trust and boundaries in ways that seem more appropriate for a much younger child.

That’s not immaturity. That's not a kid being difficult. That’s survival.

Understanding Foster Kids - Development Through Attachment

Think for a moment about how babies learn to understand themselves and the world. A newborn doesn't know the difference between hunger, tiredness, or discomfort. All it knows is that something feels wrong. So, it cries.

In a healthy situation, a caregiver responds — checks the diaper, offers a bottle, gives a cuddle, and wraps the baby in a blanket. Over time, the baby begins to associate that uncomfortable feeling with the relief that comes from a responsive adult. This cycle, repeated thousands of times, teaches the child:

This is the foundation of secure attachment and emotional development.

When That Foundation Is Missing

Now, imagine a child whose cries were met with yelling. Or were completely ignored. Or maybe sometimes helped, but other times they waited and waited for someone to come. Perhaps no one came at all. Or maybe another child — a sibling — tried to meet their needs, doing their best, but missing the mark.

This child learns a very different lesson:

These children often live in a state of heightened alert. They may seem overly independent, always trying to control situations or keep others at arm’s length — because in their experience, adults aren’t safe. They may resist comfort, struggle with transitions, or act out in confusing ways.

This isn't “bad behavior.” This is survival behavior.

Therapeutic Parenting: A Different Approach

Therapeutic parenting is about seeing beyond the behavior to the need underneath. It means responding not with consequences or punishment, but with connection, structure, and predictability — again and again and again.

It means recognizing that many foster children start from a very different place than their peers. Two children may be the same age, but their inner worlds — their expectations of others, their sense of safety — may be worlds apart.

As a foster parent, you are helping that child rewrite their internal story:

But it takes time. And it takes a lot of repetition. Sometimes, children will test your consistency, not because they’re being difficult, but because they need to see if you’ll still be there when things get hard. They will test you and push buttons to get a reaction to gauge your commitment.

It’s Not Easy, But It’s Worth It

Foster parenting isn’t just about offering a child a loving home. Sure that's part of it. More importantly, it’s about providing them a new model of what it means to be cared for — what it means to be safe. You are helping a child who may never have known what a genuine connection feels like to finally begin to trust again. No matter their age!

And while it may not look like traditional parenting, it is powerful parenting. It’s slow, patient, deeply intentional work. But it can be life-changing — for the child, and for you.  

Thinking about fostering?
Fostering a child or siblings with CCR could be one of the most meaningful journeys you ever embark on. If you're feeling overwhelmed just thinking about it, talk with us. We will guide you and answer any questions you may have.

Most likely, you meet all the requirements to foster a child, you just don't know it. You probably have more patience than you know. And you definitely have a kind heart for fostering or you wouldn't be reading this blog!  

Give yourself time to explore. When you're ready, we will guide you. We always need more foster parents for kids ages 2-18, especially siblings and teens. 

Please contact us to learn more about CCR and the kids needing your help.

Foster Parents Changed This Teens Life

I went into the Wisconsin foster care system at 14, and I was immediately deemed unplaceable due to my age. I wasn’t much trouble, never used drugs or drank alcohol. I was an A/B student and kept to myself. I did struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts, but given everything I’d been through, that wasn’t surprising.

Most foster parents prefer younger children.
The "system" tried to find me a home, but I spent two years in residential facilities that felt more like juvenile detention than healing environments. I wasn’t the “right age” that most foster families were looking for.
Eventually, Kay and James, a Wisconsin couple with grown children, agreed to meet me. They lived in Northeast Wisconsin. Kay stayed home, and James was nearing retirement. Our meeting went well, and they accepted the placement. I figured it would last a week. I had seen so many teens return to residential care because of failed placements.
 
But this was different.
 
They were kind. They were steady. And they showed me, day by day, what a healthy, loving family looks like. I was welcomed and included as a member of their family. 
 

Foster parents can change a teen's path to healing and acceptance.

On the outside, things were going well. I was doing great in school and started to build a circle of friends. But underneath it all, I was still fighting battles no one could see. The weight of my past, especially the pain of being abandoned by my mom, was heavy.

Some days, the thoughts would spiral, and I took things out on Kay. My emotions were erratic, and suicidal thoughts would creep in. I was in therapy, trying to work through it, but there were times when it all just felt like too much.

Through it all, Kay never wavered. She didn’t push or pressure me. She had no expectations except that I be myself. She gave me space when I needed it and support when I reached for it. She showed up, day after day, steady, patient, and unwavering.

Teens in foster care have dreams and goals.

I wouldn't be who I am today without them. Their YES changed the trajectory of my life. 
I wanted to be a teacher for as long as I could remember. They helped make my dream come true. James helped me with college applications and financial aid, and I moved me into the dorm the summer after graduation. Kay and I shopped till we dropped for dorm decor. She made sure my side of the dorm room felt like home. 
 
Now I'm 28, an elementary school educator, and married to a wonderful man. They came to our wedding and will be a part of our next chapter. We are expecting in the fall.
I thank God every day that He put us together.
 
I share my story because I know there are too many teens out there who feel invisible, waiting for someone to believe they're worth the effort. I want to inspire people who may think teens are too much trouble. Kay and James were not perfect, but I didn't need them to be. 
 
I needed them to show up and not give up. They did just that!
*Interested in learning how to become a foster parent with CCR. We would love to speak with you when you're ready!
All identifying information are altered to protect the privacy of children.

A Tragic History All Too Common For Teens

Wisconsin teens in foster care are survivors.

Like many kids in Wisconsin foster care, Cathy has not had many basic life experiences. She recently went into a grocery store for the first time in her life with her foster mom. She was utterly overwhelmed. She is no different than most kids in foster care. She is a survivor. She struggles to trust. She is vulnerable. She is hurting.

A structured, stable foster home environment can provide significant opportunities for healing and growth. Like most other youth in care, Cathy requires a foster home able to support her with patience, consistency, and flexibility.

Her path toward healing begins with new foster parents.

A no-contact order is in place with her father, and communication with her mother has been attempted, although it can be challenging. Their relationship is volatile and unpredictable. Cathy is angry and expresses she has no desire to see her mom.

Cathy is currently placed in a temporary foster home while the referring County searches for a long-term, stable placement for her. She likes her privacy, and being alone is comforting and important to her. She is creative and enjoys arts and crafts, as well as engaging in conversation with others. She is easy to get along with and likes jigsaw puzzles and the foster family dog.

Like many teens, she loves video games. Unfortunately, Cathy cannot play unsupervised because of a history of inappropriate online behavior. Cathy does have a cell phone, although her current foster mom uses a structured phone schedule and supervises content.

Dog on bed

Many youth in foster care need gentle reminders.

Basic hygiene reminders are necessary. Showering, deodorant, and feminine hygiene are constant reminders. Like many youth in foster care, Cathy needs encouragement and praise.

Although Cathy has completed her first year of high school, she tests at a 5th-grade level for reading and writing. In addition, she has an IEP and behavior plan at school.

While living with her parents, she required a lot of extra help every morning upon arrival at school due to a bed bug issue at home. She reports that it was hard and uncomfortable starting her day that way. She was often bullied.

Cathy displays nearly all signs of childhood trauma:
  1. Reliving the event (flashbacks or nightmares)
  2. Avoidance
  3. Anxiety
  4. Depression
  5. Anger
  6. Problems with trust
  7. Withdrawal

Like many teens, she sleeps a lot. However, the current team suspects this may be related to medication. She is seen for med management and attends therapy weekly.

reddish brown hair girl

CCR desperately needs more homes for teens.

Teens like Cathy are referred to CCR every day. They are kids hoping for a stable, loving, safe place to call home—a home where adults can be trusted, and kids can begin to heal.

We did not have a home in the right county location for Cathy, so the referring county continued its search. In part, CCR turns away a very high percentage of referred teens because foster parents, new and experienced, fear the unknown. The majority of foster families are afraid of troubled teens. The reality is these are good kids. You can help!

Please get in touch with us to learn more about fostering teens and how you can begin your fostering journey. Qualify to be a foster parent and get started today.

All identifying information are altered to protect the privacy of children.

Keeping Older Siblings Together in Foster Care

Amber is a 12-year-old girl who entered foster care due to neglect. She and her older brother, Deonne, 16, live with an aunt who has struggled to meet their needs. Community Care Resources is seeking a home that will accommodate both Amber and Deone.

Many youth in Wisconsin Foster Care are siblings.

Amber is very independent and often looks at her phone or reads in her room. She performs at a satisfactory academic level and has few friends at school. She enjoys playing video games and participates in a sewing club in her free time. If given the choice, she would eat a Big Mac for every meal, with mac and cheese as a close second favorite. She is not shy about expressing her dislike for vegetables.

Like many children in foster care, Amber faces food insecurity; she has been known to steal food, hide food in her room, and eat as a way to comfort herself.

Teens in foster care struggle with mental health challenges.

While Amber's strengths are evident, she also encounters challenges, particularly in managing her anger. Outbursts are common when she feels frustrated and unheard. She is easily upset when things don't go her way and will lash out verbally. She has outbursts daily. The aunt reports that Deone often successfully de-escalates a heightened situation. He has a unique way of supporting Amber.

a girl reading a book begins to yawn while lying on the sofa in the living room of a m SBI 349474047

Amber is aware of her emotional struggles and actively participates in weekly therapy, showing a willingness to grow. Support from her therapist, along with a referral for psychiatry, is a vital part of her journey toward emotional regulation.

Despite some hurdles, Amber performs well in school and has an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) to support her speech development. Teachers and school staff recognize her potential and work collaboratively to ensure she continues to thrive academically. Moving to a new foster home may require a new school for Amber, so she must have foster parents available to advocate for her while encouraging new relationships with peers.

CCR foster parents require a flexible schedule to meet the needs of kids like Amber.

Keeping siblings together in foster care promotes healing.

Deone recently got his driver's permit but has not had much road experience while living with his aunt. He is known to be shy and reserved at first but will open up when he feels comfortable. He enjoys participating in the school band, Dungeon and Dragons and watching YouTube videos.

Depression is a struggle for Deone. He spends most of his time in his room when at home. He has reportedly been silent and withdrawn for up to 3 days on several occasions. He has refused therapy in the past but recently expressed interest in speaking with a psychiatrist. He struggles with maintaining personal hygiene but has improved while residing with his aunt.

Deone does well in school, although he needs help submitting homework on time. He performs most subjects at or below grade level. He does not have an IEP.

Teen siblings

Kids in foster care visit with their biological family.

The siblings have weekly unsupervised visits with their mother. The visits are generally positive, and the kids seem to enjoy spending time with their mother. Despite their challenges and unstable history, the siblings look forward to the visits.

Foster parents must support the goal of reunification.

A foster family must be able to work with the mother and support the permanency goal of reunification. It is preferred that a foster home accept the placement of both Deone and Amber. A nurturing environment is desired to allow both kids to get on a promising healing path. This is a long-term placement, as their mom has some difficult work ahead of her. She desperately wants to reunite with her children and is working toward that goal.

*CCR did not have a foster home available in the right location to accept Amber and Deone's placement, so the referring county continued its search. We always need more foster homes for kids of all ages. If you want to learn more about becoming a foster parent with CCR, we would love to speak with you.

All names have been changed to protect the privacy of the family.

Teens in Wisconsin Foster Care Feeling Unwanted

Jake is among the dozens of Wisconsin Foster Care teenagers referred to us monthly. He has been in a Wisconsin residential facility for 7 months and is eager to move in with a loving foster family. Jake needs a well-structured environment with adult supervision, consistent expectations, and fair rewards and consequences. 

Teens in Wisconsin foster care struggle to find homes.

Finding a flexible foster home for a teenager like Jake is a challenge. This is partly because many foster parents are afraid of teens and thus wish to help younger children. Also, it can be difficult for working foster parents to provide the necessary supervision and attend appointments. Jake has therapy sessions twice a week, which are essential for his progress and transition back to a family environment. Individual and family therapy will help support his development and adjustment.

Back view portrait of a boy watching tv at home

Wisconsin teens often feel unwanted and out of place.

Jake desperately needs emotional nourishment and support to feel valued and secure. He has endured significant trauma due to his abusive family background, having been exposed to drug use, domestic violence, and physical abuse. He felt adrift amidst the turmoil of his home life and the previous foster homes he lived in before the group home failed to provide the stable environment he needed.

Jake hopes to connect with a friendly couple or single foster parent who won't give up on him. He feels that people judge him quickly because he is an older teen in foster care. Living in a group home has taught him a lot, but he admits that he still needs to work on healthy relationships, managing his anger, and making better decisions.

Jake is eager to acquire new skills that will help him become independent and care for himself once he leaves foster care. He is fearful that he will fail once out of foster care. 

Jake will need the following from a foster family: 

Foster kids often visit with biological family

During visits with his family, Jake quickly becomes annoyed and verbally aggressive. When his older brother intervenes, he can become physically aggressive. Family therapy seems to be helping Jake with his anger and aggression towards family members. His parents struggle with mental health and drug use. Jake reports that his family home was chaotic and overwhelming. Consequently, he would like a foster home that is laid back yet has some structure.

Above all, he hopes to have foster parents who are calm and don't yell too much. He feels that nobody listens to him or cares what he thinks. boy with dog at home backyard

Teens in Wisconsin foster care want a chance to succeed.

Jake is polite, helpful, and considerate of others. He doesn't mind helping with household chores and is eager to learn new things. He acknowledges that he struggles with managing his anger and is open to trying new methods to control it. He enjoys being around family pets and assures his new foster parents that they can count on him to be kind to their animals. Jake wants his new family to give him a chance to prove that he is changing and making progress. 

With structure, patience, and a calm home environment, Jake has enormous potential to heal from his trauma. He is currently receiving mental health services and will need the support of his foster parents to stay on a path of growth and healing.

Youth like Jake are referred to CCR daily. Unfortunately, CCR did not have a foster home in the right location to accommodate Jake. 

Regardless of the county you live in, we encourage you to consider fostering older children. We desperately need homes in all corners of the state. Please contact us to explore how to become a foster parent.

* To protect the identity of all children, real names are never used in any CCR blogs or social media posts.

 

Teen Finds His Passion While in Foster Care

If you are considering being a foster parent, you will love this story! A feel-good account of one young man's journey to find his passion. His foster parents encouraged and supported him to try new things and work hard. Every season was a new adventure. They had yet to learn how hard he would work and where it would lead. Nick proves that teens in foster care can heal, grow, and reach their goals!

Teens in foster care must be encouraged to explore activities.

Nick came to our family with his brother in February 2017 as a shy, timid boy. It seemed like he was always waiting for something bad to happen because that was his past; that's what he knew. It took him six months to look people in the eye when talking. When he got used to school, he asked us about sports, and we encouraged them. First, Nick played baseball, and after a couple of fly balls to the head, we decided that he should do something different.

Then came football, but a concussion sidelined him. Wrestling was next, and he liked it and was good. Finally, in 7th grade, he gave Track a try and discovered he had a talent for running. In 8th grade, he also ran Cross Country, won several races, and found his passion!

He continued with Track and Cross Country throughout High School, going to state his Junior year in both. He just missed standing on the podium with an 8th place finish in the mile that year in track and finished 18th at state in CC. During this time, he was still wrestling, winning matches, and having fun. Determined to make it to the podium in CC and Track his Senior Year, Nick put in close to 2,500 miles in the off-season. To say it paid off is an understatement.

Foster care can provide opportunities for self-discovery

Nick won Conference and returned to State in Cross Country, earning a 7th-place finish. Next up, he qualified for the Junior Olympics. 
Our family trip to College Station, Texas, to watch him run was amazing! Nick ran a brilliant race and placed 9th out of 93 17-18-year-old athletes from all over the United States.
During Nick's senior Year in Track, he was one of the top runners in the State, winning both Conference and Regionals in the 1600 and 3200-meter runs. At Sectionals, Nick again placed 1st in the 1600 and placed a close 2nd in the 3200. He broke his own school records in each event and holds five individual records at his High School.
Nick signed his letter of intent to run Cross Country and Track at UW Stout next year. Nick is proof that kids can heal. Teens in foster care can reach for their dreams like any other kid. It doesn’t matter where you come from as long as you put your mind to it.

Adopting from foster care has been a gift to my family.

My wife and I adopted Nick and his brother Richie in 2020, making us a family of 9 then. (Now we are 10) I encourage everyone to consider giving a teen in foster care a chance to reach for the stars!

AdoptionStitzer

CCR desperately needs more foster homes for teens. Please don't fear fostering teens; please don't believe fostering little kids will be easier to care for. Remember that challenging behaviors don’t necessarily begin during the teenage years. Many behaviors and emotions build over time, often starting in the early years of development. The good news is healing does happen. Teens like Nick can blossom and offer foster parents many unexpected rewards.
All identifying information are altered to protect the privacy of children.

Teens in Foster Care are Waiting

Another heartbreaking story of a teen in foster care. Meet Emily, a 13-year-old Wisconsin girl needing a new foster home. Her story is familiar; her trauma is prevalent. Yet, her wish for a loving home continues.

More foster parents are needed for teens.

Most Wisconsin foster kids ages 11-18 are placed in group homes or residential facilities. Older kids of the same age range and gender live together in a house with staff and 24/7 supervision. Sadly, these kids would heal best in a family environment. A home with a loving parent or two, possibly with other children, pets, and opportunities for healthy, structured family activities.

Emily lives in a Wisconsin group home, hoping to move to a loving, nurturing family home.

There are hundreds of teens in Wisconsin foster care without a home.

Dozens of teens like Emily are referred to CCR each month. Emily does not have contact with her biological family. She has one brother who lives with an aunt in southern Wisconsin. She also has a half-brother, but his location is unknown. In addition, Emily is a victim of severe neglect and prolonged sexual abuse by more than one individual. As a result, she struggles with not feeling worthy or loved and has difficulty forming healthy relationships.

Youth like Emily can thrive when placed with nurturing foster parents. With the right tools and 24/7 agency support, foster parents can see tremendous growth and healing with their children.

Too many kids in foster care have suffered from unimaginable neglect and abuse.

Kids like Emily come to us with a long list of challenges. Teens with significant trauma often struggle with emotions, behaviors, relationships, and academics. Our goal is to help them heal. CCR foster parents are trained to help kids like Emily who are challenged and burdened with a variety of diagnoses, such as:

Emily is engaging, willingly participates in household chores, likes animals, and loves younger children. Her favorite activity is baking cookies. She says she can't think of negative things when focused on baking. She is not fond of dressing up or polishing nails but prefers using her creativity to draw and paint.

Emily admits she doesn't like school and often does not try her best. She has few friends at school but gets along well with other girls in her group home. Yet, for all, she has been through, she has a positive attitude and wears a smile most of the time.

Less than 20% of kids will be placed in a loving home!

We were disappointed that we could not place Emily in a loving home. Unfortunately, we did not have the right home in the right location to meet her higher needs.

Emily will remain in her current group home until the referring county locates a home for her. On average, CCR receives 40-45 child referrals each month. Unfortunately, less than 20% of kids will be placed in a stable foster home.

We do not have enough foster homes, especially for teenagers like Emily.

Please get in touch with us to learn how you can get started.

GET YOUR FOSTER LICENSE IN 100 DAYS! Homes for kids 10-18 are desperately needed.