Foster Parents With Little Kids Have Big Challenges

Becoming a foster parent requires serious consideration of the ages of foster children you wish to help. There is a large misconception that teens are horrible and little ones are adorable. That couldn't be farther from the truth in most cases. In the 31 years we have supported foster families; we see a repeated trend. New foster parents think they want to foster little kids but can quickly have a change of heart after actually doing it. Without agency support and a basic understanding of childhood trauma, foster parents can struggle to foster younger children. Let's explore:

Wisconsin foster parents needed to help younger siblings.

Two young brothers were recently referred to us by a county agency hoping to find a suitable foster home. Adam is five years old; he and his 6-year-old brother Aiden desperately need a foster family to meet their higher needs. The boys have been living with their maternal grandmother for five months, but she has expressed that she can no longer care for the boys long-term. She has reported being emotionally and physically exhausted. She hopes the county can find her grandsons a suitable home to handle and address their behaviors, delays, and emotions.

There is no family interaction plan at this time. Mom is not responding to the county worker, and other family members are unable and unwilling to care for the boys.

Aiden is in kindergarten. Adam is enrolled in a pre-K program. Both boys struggle socially with their peers, and neither is at age level developmentally. Aiden is more independent than Adam and can play alone for short periods. Adam struggles with independent play and craves individual attention. Adam has difficulty expressing himself due to a speech pediment and often expresses his frustration with anger and meltdowns. He is working with a speech therapist as it is difficult to understand some of his words and speech patterns.

Both boys enjoy being with other children but have difficulty reading social cues and respecting personal space. Adam is quick to interact with other children but often isn't included in play due to his assertiveness. His inability to play with boundaries has been a concern of the preschool staff. He is often redirected or given a task to divert him from a situation. He is a very energetic child and enjoys playing outside with Aiden and building with Legos.

Keeping siblings together is a struggle in foster care.

Aiden is a good listener and generally follows directions and expectations. He can play too rough with his brother at times but is sensitive to his brother's needs. He is behind in school but enjoys going. Both boys were drug-affected infants and suffered severe neglect before removal from the home. It is reported that Aiden has some memories of witnessing family violence and drug use.

It is important that the boys be placed together with older children or no other children in the home. Their need for individual attention would be difficult for a single working parent or parents with younger children in the house. A two-parent home is desired, ideally with one parent at home, to meet individual needs and Adams's constant desire for one-on-one interaction. The connection to their maternal grandmother will be essential to maintain. She has requested the boys be allowed to visit with her when possible.

The boys are similar to many other young siblings in foster care. Neglect and domestic violence have traumatic effects on developing minds, leading to behaviors and emotions that don't always make sense to the outside world. That is where trauma-informed parenting tools are essential. A recent post made by a foster mom on a social media feed resembles the needs and history of Aiden and Adam.

Foster mom takes to social media asking for help.

We've had our sibling set for three months now: a four-year-old girl (turning 5 in a month) and a six-year-old boy. Our foster son is in first grade, and we have struggled to find a suitable daycare or pre-k program for our foster daughter. She is needy, wanders, and struggles with attention. She has severe attachment issues. She is NOT like a typical four-year-old. She does NOT play with toys, EVER! She instead follows me around all day, sits on me, touches me, and asks questions I know she knows the answers to. She does things she knows she shouldn't be doing as soon as I turn away for a split second. I am not even a little bit overdramatic here either. My patience is wearing so thin.

I sit with her during breakfast, play with her after breakfast, color together, or work on some Pre-K stuff I've printed from home; I let her sit and snuggle with me for a little bit. I don't know what else to do! I encourage her to be independent, but she doesn't get it. She comes right back to me. I struggle to do dishes, laundry, or other chores. I understand she is little and has been traumatized, but this is hard! Even when big brother is home from school, he goes and plays...she still follows my every move. Please be kind with any advice, I am trying my best, and I do not want to disrupt this placement.

WOW! This struggling foster mom needs the support of a great agency and continued trauma-informed care training. In addition, her foster daughter would greatly benefit from a CANS evaluation. A tool designed to measure the strengths and needs of a child to get necessary support and therapy services. THIS is why many foster parents ask for kids to be removed from their homes. It is also why many foster parents transition to care for older kids. It is a lot. It is exhausting. It is VERY different than parenting well-adjusted children from stable, structured environments.

Foster parents need 24/7 support.

The fact is, she is not alone. So many foster parents caring for younger children are overwhelmed. Their agency often does not fully support them, and they are not trained in trauma-informed care principles. Fostering kids with trauma is NOT like caring for well-adjusted kids. These kids have a lot going on, and foster parents need to have the skills and tools to help their kids successfully.

There are hundreds of sibling groups like Aiden and Adam in Wisconsin foster care. Like the foster mom above, many foster parents share stories online and ask for much-needed advice and support. At CCR, we receive 40-50 referrals each month from counties across Wisconsin looking for a suitable home for kids like these brothers. If you are interested in fostering, we would love to speak with you. We will educate you, train you, and support you to care for kids with higher levels of trauma. OR, you can jump in and foster older kids if caring for littles isn't the best fit for you.

How Old are Kids in Wisconsin Foster Care

Children of all ages enter Wisconsin foster care every day. Many are part of sibling groups and older children over age eight. Deciding to become a foster parent means considering the ages of the children you wish to help. Foster parents can preference foster children by age, but we caution new foster parents not to have a too narrow or specific preference. Here is why.

What is the average age of kids in Wisconsin foster care?

The median age of children in, entering, and exiting foster care in the United States in 2018 was as follows:
The median age of the children in foster care in 2018 was 7.6 years.
The median age of children entering foster care in 2018 was 6.1 years.
The median age of children exiting foster care in 2018 was 7.5 years.

While some kids are in basic foster care homes, others are in treatment foster care homes, many are placed with a relative, and older kids may be in a residential facility or group home. There are typically slightly more males (52%) compared to females (48%), and the age range of kids in Wisconsin foster care is typical to the numbers nationally.

0-4 Years 31%
5-10 Years 25%
11-16 Years 24%
17-21 Years 20%

Can I choose the age of kids I want to foster in Wisconsin?

If you click on any of our "Contact Us" options, you will see that we ask about your age preference. Many prospective foster parents will be disappointed to learn that we DO NOT need families wishing to foster kids under the age of 3. Especially babies! Many younger children will be placed with a relative or remain in a county foster home. Private foster agencies rarely place children ages 0-3 unless they are part of a larger sibling group.

We regularly receive inquiries from folks who want to foster to adopt. Dare we say, gently, that foster care should not be used as a means of adopting a child. The goal of foster care is to provide a temporary, safe, healing environment for a child that has been removed from their family home, and reunification with the birth family is the goal over 50% of the time. Does adoption happen? Yes, but if it is the goal, you set yourself up to get a broken heart.

We are blunt here at CCR and quick to tell folks that we cannot consider a license for anyone with the sole goal of adopting a little one.

Wait, you said I could pick the foster kids' age!

So what do we mean exactly? New CCR foster parents must be open to fostering children of school age. We typically break it down into the elementary, middle, and high school—the more expansive your window of preference, the better your chance of getting placements and helping children. The bottom line is if you want to foster little ones, you must be open to fostering any age between 0-12. Many younger children are in foster care with siblings so age ranges can vary within a group.

Fostering teens may be an excellent option for you.

The need never seems to change. Across the country, foster agencies are desperate for new families to accept kids over age 12. Sadly, older youth come with huge stigmas and terrible rumors and are circled with negative stories that they are ALL troubled and can't be helped. There is nothing further from the truth, and we have hundreds of success stories to dismantle those thoughts.

This is an excellent testimony from John, who was in care with us for three years and thrived.

After my sophomore year is when things started happening for me. I felt like I was a part of something; I was beginning to let my foster parents love me. My caseworker Matt (with CCR 16 years), was there for me 100 percent throughout everything. My sophomore year was tough; I sabotaged myself and wished my foster parents would give up on me and have me moved. I tested them for sure! I started turning things around in my junior and senior years. With CCR, there is always somebody there to help you; there is always somebody there to stand by your side and always stick up for you. My foster parents are still like family to me.

What is the average age of a foster child placed in a CCR home?

The vast majority of kids are over age five and in elementary school. Many are sibling groups. Sadly kids between ages 9-12 seem to be the forgotten age group in foster care. Folks think they can "help" little ones more, and almost everyone believes teens will be the most difficult. Both of those statements are untrue! We have hundreds of foster parents that will debunk both of those myths.

We will never talk you into doing something you aren't comfortable with. Nor will we place children in your home that you are not trained and licensed to care for. Remember, Wisconsin foster care has three levels of foster care: 2, 3, and 4. The higher the number a child is given, the higher the level of trauma and emotional and behavioral needs. The higher the license number, the more experience and training a foster home has to care for those children respectively.

We will help you explore which age group might best fit your family. Perhaps you have little kids of your own, maybe you are an empty nester, or you have never been a parent. No worries, we will gently walk you through the options and what that might look like for you and your family.