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We asked several Wisconsin foster parents to share some of the most frequent comments and/or questions they get about foster care. Foster parents know too well that when you become a foster parent it often means people are curious, observing, and inquisitive. Many of our foster parents hear comments in the presence of their foster kids, making for awkward moments. Most often foster parents shrug off a comment or question and don't take offense. They know people are genuinely curious and don't always know the right thing to say. We laughed at some of the responses and tried to understand the innocent intentions of others. These are real and not made up. Foster parents have dozens of examples. Here are some of the best we heard:
They are so lucky to have you!
This one really gets me & so many people say it to me—total strangers. I understand what people are trying to say but "lucky" is the wrong choice of word. Nothing about their life has been lucky!
Don't you get attached?
Nope!!! LOL Of course, we do! I hear this one a lot, especially with my younger kids. I've never heard this with any of my teens.
What about your own kids?
What about them? One day I am going to say, "I gave them away to become a foster parent." LOL, I've had this question several times. When it comes from acquaintances, it hurts, but I know they just don't get it.
You should have him tested? For ADHA, ADD, ODD....
Right in front of my 9-year-old foster son. I think he knew what she was implying. It broke my heart.
What country is she from?
I'm not kidding. I replied with the name of a town nearby, and she replied "Oh, that's wonderful." Maybe she never saw a black person before; I don't know.
What's their story? Why are they in foster care?
People will ask this right in front of the kids. I usually just say that I don't know. One time it happened with my 14-year-old foster daughter and her 10-year-old brother. I smiled at them and gave a silent hug.
Where are their parents?
I honestly said "at home" to a lady in Hy-Vee once. LOL Another time I said that I was their parent because I just couldn't deal in that moment.
How long will you have them?
I usually say for as long as they need me.
Will they go back to their family or will you adopt them?
Well, I could talk about that for an hour, but the short answer is usually "we aren't sure yet".
You are so amazing, I could never be a foster mom!
I am not amazing. LOL. I'm a normal mom with three of my own and lots of love to give to 3 more. I have meltdowns, struggle to handle it all sometimes, and I constantly second guess myself and wonder if I am doing a good job with these kids. I AM NOT amazing. But thank you!
Being a foster parent is challenging and brings wonderful rewards. We absolutely think ALL of our CCR foster parents are amazing! We know how dedicated they are and how much they sacrifice to care for the children in their care. Our comment to all who participated in this blog...
Thank you for sharing your love with the kids!!