My husband and I made a decision early on in our marriage that we were not going to have any biological children. It was a personal choice based on family history. We thought about adoption but we quickly found out that was very expensive. The other part of that is we didn’t want a baby. Ironically, we saw an ad in the paper one day about treatment foster care and learned that most of the children that made it into treatment foster care were older.
It had always been a dream of mine to help children who didn’t have families who could provide for them. As a child, my mom, was put into foster care for a few years when her mom was ill and dying. Though she went back home, she kept in touch with her foster mom, “Grandma Cora”. She was someone we visited up until her death. To this day my mom credits Grandma Cora with giving her the tools she needed to become a good parent and wife.
When my best friend died suddenly of a pulmonary embolism at the age of 29, it changed my view of the future. If someone as beautiful, inside and out, as my best friend could die so young, what was I waiting for? Dan and I made the phone call that changed our life completely. I will be completely honest; we were not prepared for what happened after we received our license.
A short time into our licensing training we received notice that they had a 12-year-old girl, soon to be 13 who needed a home. We were excited because this was exactly what we were looking for. She had been in foster care for just a short time but the home she was placed with had decided that they did not want to do foster care anymore. They said they really enjoyed Mandy but it was not something they were ready for.
C.C.R. scheduled a pre-placement meeting and we met the foster parents, Mandy, the county worker, and Jayne Foster (who would become our CCM). I was troubled by how matter of fact everyone was about the situation. Mandy sat there quietly, picking at her worn off nail polish and fidgeted while we talked about her as if she wasn’t there. It wasn’t that we talked negatively or the people involved were inappropriate in any way, it was just more uncomfortable because we were talking about Mandy’s life and history with her right there listening.
As with many of the kids who come into the care of a C.C.R. home, Mandy had a troubled past that included abuse and involvement in the court system. She was not going to be available for adoption but rather a candidate of long-term foster care but I am not sure we understood that right from the beginning.
We brought her home that day and found a very loveable child who became a part of our family immediately and still is today. I will admit that this blond haired, blue-eyed, sweet, loving, and caring child gave us a run for our money on many occasions. Nothing will prepare you for a 13 year old screaming and kicking like a 2 year old. We were learning as we went and I can tell you on many occasions we burned up the phone lines between Elkhorn and Madison! Abuse, trauma, neglect, pain … all of these things can come out in a child in many different ways and over the years we have learned to adapt to each new kid who comes into home. Is it tough sometimes? You bet it is. Is it the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life? You bet it is!
